Anorak News | A Fighter, Not A Lover

A Fighter, Not A Lover

by | 27th, July 2004

‘ARE you a Marlon, a Ralph or an Edward?

How many times a year?

No, they’re not types of potato – although all of them do share several of the physical characteristics of the humble spud.

They’re grades of sexual performance, specifically of stamina between the sheets.

A Marlon, for instance, can keep going longer than a Duracell bunny – an eight-times-a-night marathon runner like the recently departed Marlon Brando.

A Ralph (named after Sir Ralph “Five-Times-a-Night” Halpern) is more of your Sebastian Coe – a middle-distance runner par excellence.

And an Edward is most definitely a sexual sprinter – a 10-second man like “Once A Night” Prince Edward.

The Mirror travels to New Zealand this morning to unearth Slap Ed’s bedroom secrets – from a former second hand car dealer called Mike Bell.

Not that Mike has first-hand knowledge, of course – Eddie is a red-blooded Englishman who is never happier than with a pint in one hand and a dolly bird in the other.

But his ex-wife Alison Bell, the newsreader caught up in last week’s alleged drugs bust with James Hewitt, does – she lost her virginity to the Prince when she was 16.

She had a fling with 19-year-old Edward in 1983 while he was working as a junior master at a school in Wanganui, New Zealand.

He apparently made the first move after they co-starred in a school production of Charley’s Aunt.

“He gave me a surprise kiss,” Alison later said. “He has lovely soft lips. He is definitely not shy with girls.”

But Mike tells a different story, claiming that the couple’s sex life was quite restricted.

“It sounds like he was a once—a-night man and then he wanted to go to sleep,” he says.

“Alison did describe him to me as an emotional desert and, reading some of his letters to her, which she showed me, I could believe it.”

This doesn’t sound like the skirt-chasing, beer-swilling, rugby-playing ex-Marine we at Anorak know…’

Posted: 27th, July 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink