Anorak News | Cock(neys) Of The North

Cock(neys) Of The North

by | 5th, August 2004

‘CORONATION Street is set in the land of flat caps, pigeons, cobbled streets and loudmouthed fishwives. At the moment, though, you could be mistaken for thinking that Weatherfield is a suburb of the East End borough of Walford.

Mad fer it

Producers have unwisely decided that what the nation’s favourite northern street needs is yer salt of the earth East End Mockney family.

If we wanted bad acting and far-fetched storylines we’d switch over to BBC1. Unfortunately for viewers, the Baldwins have decided to make Weatherfield their permanent home, with both Danny and Jamie now employed at the factory and mum Frankie moving in all her best Argos furniture up from “Chingford”.

Frankie likes to think of herself as a footballer’s wife type, unfortunately, she’s more dart player’s wife. “I can’t believe it’s come to this!” she moaned, “livin’ in a pokey ‘ouse in a back street.”

Danny has lost everything to pay off Vinnie, his former best friend and lover of Frankie. Son Jamie decided to meet out some Jerry Springer style justice to Vinnie for his affair with his step-mum and kicked his head in. Vinnie agreed to drop the charges but only after Danny gave him every penny he owed.

“I’ll pay yer back, I promise I will, dad,” a grateful Jamie told his dad. Sadly for Danny, Jamie went out and got a low-paid job at the factory.

Jamie turned up for his first day at work sporting a black eye and the sort of cut of vest that made him look like he was carrying two ham shanks under his arms. Yet, for some unfathomable reason, he’s being touted as the new Justin Timberlake.

Leanne Battersby is the latest to fall under his spell, and the pair spent the afternoon together in the pub instead of doing the factory delivery he’d been paid to do.

Another unlikely new pairing are Penny and Ciaran. Ciaran turned on his Oirish charm, and Penny has agreed to have lunch with him. (After Bev, you’d have thought that Ciaran would have learnt his lesson about dabbling in the older lady.)

But Ciaran really loses the plot when he takes up with Tracy Barlow in the next couple of months. That’s Tracy, whose track record of relationships includes sleeping with a man in a cardigan for a penny-bet and a pensioner who pretended to be a millionaire.

There’s more mad coupling down Weatherfield way as Martin and Katy get back together. Katy managed to tempt Martin back into bed in spite of her horrendous new haircut that makes her look like a mad cockerel. Mind you, Dev’s been looking like a cock for years – and it hasn’t stopped him attracting the opposite sex.’

Posted: 5th, August 2004 | In: Strange But True Comment | TrackBack | Permalink