Anorak News | Grin And Bear It

Grin And Bear It

by | 6th, August 2004

‘IN a new move designed to win the war on terror, the Government have come up with a cunning new plan.

How not to do it

The Sun says that, when posing for passport photographs, we must all look directly into the camera, not blink, not cover our faces and, crucially, not smile.

The war on terror is a serious business and anyone caught smiling, smirking or giggling will have to retake their snapshot.

This sounds right enough, but when we look at our dear beloved leader, the grinning Tony Blair, the new directive could mean that the Prime Minister either stops baring his teeth or else (gulp!) be turned back at the ferry and so forced to spend his summer hols in Blighty.

Clearly, the boffins at the Home Office need to help us out a bit more.

But while they work on their latest knee-jerk plan, the Mail gives future passport holders a few pointers on how to look in a selection of pictures.

In one still, a black man sports tinted glasses. This is a no-no. Holding a passport while black is plain wrong.

One stage on and he’s wearing a woolly hat. This too is wrong, since all Mail readers know that black men wear balaclavas and baseball caps.

Alongside him is a woman in a yashmak. This too is wrong. She is clearly a terrorist and must be deported immediately or else be shot.

She might even be laughing behind that mask, gripping a sabre or the pin from a grenade between her snarling teeth. Such behaviour is frowned up and seen as a form of smiling.

Better to all just do as the Mail’s small blonde child does and look directly into the camera, open-eyed, toothless and without malice or hidden agenda.

Oh, and if you can, try to look white…’

Posted: 6th, August 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink