Anorak News | Big Futures

Big Futures

by | 9th, August 2004

‘WHAT can we expect from Nadia in the coming days and weeks?

The perfect arse

An anti-smoking campaign can’t be far off, in which our favourite Portuguese (or Portu-geezer) puffer will – for charity – give up her favourite hobby.

She will go onto appear in an official capacity to talk about Big Brother 6 and become the face of Madeira.

As for the rest, time will tell. But we confidently predict the following:

Ahmed: Deported

Bekki: Headline billing in a Faliraki strip club

Dan: “Pubic hair expert to the stars”

Emma: A prison-based reality TV show

Jason: Many years telling everyone that he was once a big star; back-combing his thick and luxuriant arse hair

Kitten: Walk-on part as Rik in the Young Ones musical

Marco: Dale Winton’s best friend

Michelle: Newspaper porn. Top-shelf porn. Under the counter porn.

Shell: We watched it and can say that no-one called Shell was on the show

Stuart: Adverts for chicken stuffing

Vanessa: Bar work; something with ponies in Pretoria

Victor: Yoof TV presenter on local TV station; genie of the magic lamp in Channel 4’s Christmas panto.

Jade Goody, eat yer heart out…’

Posted: 9th, August 2004 | In: Celebrities Comment | TrackBack | Permalink