Anorak News | Battle Dress

Battle Dress

by | 3rd, September 2004

‘WHEN the Tories were in power, a newspaper’s call to any vice den or specialist members-only club would turn up a salacious story of sleaze and sex in seconds.

‘Anyone got an orange?’

The now ruling Labour party have given us unmarried David Blunkett and a married American publisher, and Stephen Byers keeping his socks on in the sack, but it has all been a bit small time.

Where are the David Mellors and those football-kit clad failed actresses, where are the Stephen Milligans, whose dead body was found naked except for a pair of stockings and suspenders?

Where – alas – are the Alan Clarks and the South African judge’s seduced wife and daughters?

This Labour Government has been a dead loss.

But at least the Sun has stuck with the programme, and today leads with: “EXPOSED: ARMY CHIEF AND MISS WHIPLASH.”

True, Brigadier Ian Talbot, 54, is no Conservative MP, but, given his title and his liking for sex in dungeons with an £800-a-time vice girl, he most likely votes Tory.

And there’s more, as the Sun reports how the brigadier has been the slave of the woman it dubs Miss Whiplash for the past 26 years.

The paper goes on to speak about the military attaché’s torture sessions, in which he is trussed up in rubber tights, corset and a leather mask.

A handily reproduced photograph shows the professional soldier in his “gimp” suit, wrists manacled together, head secured in a snug-fitting gas mask.

We also hear the unnamed vice girl say: ”The amount of torture he could take was astounding.”

All very entertaining so far – but you’d be forgiven for wondering why this sordid tale is front-page news. Remember, Talbot is no Tory MP, past or present.

And then it comes. Apparently, the “bondage-crazed brigadier” is worthy of the Sun’s front page because “these romps were endangering more than just the health of the brigadier”.

You see, the man in the rubber catsuit was privy to sensitive military information about al-Qaeda and, in engaging in extra-martial kinks with Miss Whiplash, he was laying himself open to blackmail.

But we are not so sure.

Having already noted Talbot’s ability to withstand severe pain – how, according to his torturer, he’s survived electrodes being tied to his testicles, had his head stuffed in a bag until he could barely breath and liked to enact oral sex on his captor and her mates – we start to wonder.

Might this be no kinky Army loser, rather a man discovering what it must be like to be a prisoner of the Americans at Iraq’s Abu Ghraib prison.

If so, such selfless behaviour should be applauded. And if the good brigadier should ever want to stand as Tory candidate at election time, he would certainly get our vote.

We really do need more like him…’

Posted: 3rd, September 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink