Anorak News | Plastercine Explosives

Plastercine Explosives

by | 17th, September 2004

‘THIS week we’ve been invited to wonder what could have happened had men dressed as Batman and Basil Brush been terrorists and not disgruntled fathers, pro-hunt demonstrators or plain old uniform fetishists.

What if that egg had been a grenade?

Readers were invited to suppose that, had bombs replaced placards and T-shirts, Britain would be in tatters.

What would we – let alone the papers – do if a superhero had done for the Royals? What evil would plug the void created after a mendacious badger had destroyed Parliament?

The possibilities were too awful to contemplate. Until, that is, the Sun began to wonder what life would be like without John Prescott.

So it sent Anthony France into the House Of Commons to pose as a waiter.

And in place of a salver of drinks, the paper gave our intrepid reporter a Tupperware box containing a lump of blue plastercine and a small travel clock.

This, dear reader, was his “bomb”.

The story goes that, having used bogus references to get the £5.50-an-hour job, France ambled past “shambolic security” while carrying his weapon.

Later, now dressed in a blue apron and a white paper hat, he served Deputy Prime Minister Prescott with drinks.

“I could have strapped the ‘explosive’ to my waist and triggered it besides Mr Prescott,” says France. “Had I been a terrorist, I could have assassinated him at any moment.”

He could have, but he didn’t.

Indeed, we can’t help but smile as we consider the scene, where France screams “The Sun Is Great” and “We Love It”, pulls out his £2,99 alarm clock, triggers his explosives and bellows “BANG!” at the top of his voice.

To many, this is plainly ridiculous, but to the Leader of the House, Peter Hain, it beggars belief.

“This confirms all my worst fears and why I have so determinedly pushed for much tighter security in the Commons,” says he. “The Sun has done the House a big favour.”

Perhaps, but it could have done us all a far bigger one…’

Posted: 17th, September 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink