Anorak News | Dis-count Goods

Dis-count Goods

by | 1st, October 2004

‘LIKE the readers of Yours magazine, we too hanker for the 1950s when we would leave our backdoor unlooked and a copper could give the young scallywags a good clip round the ear as they played with live explosives on the old bombsite.

”Is it true what they’re saying, Joyce?”

The Guardian has spoken with Valery McConnell, editor of the organ aimed at the over-55s, and heard her say that her readers “feel that the 1950s were a gentler era when manners and people mattered”. (For more on this, see Tabs.)

How times have altered, and now, instead of Doris Day being played at 78rpm in the local butchers, the Guardian says how shoppers at Hemel Hempstead’s branch of Costcutter are being subjected to all manner of filth.

Shoppers recently walking past the supermarket were shocked at what they heard.

Instead of the usual soulless musak, the screams of fitting toddlers and the thump, thump, thump of security guards beating a shoplifter round the head, they were subjected to filth.

On this occasion, shoppers’ ears were split by the words: “Your mother has a penis.”

Whether true or false, the locals were none too impressed and one woman felt impelled to complain to the local constabulary that decency laws were being flouted.

So the police went down to the store and found not a mum of four with a large phallus attached to her apron but Welsh rap band Goldie Lookin’s Chain shooting a pop video.

The words were not cruel and foul at all – they were music. Or, rather, what passes for it now that Doris Day is no longer among us and Cliff Richard is on tanning leave…’

Posted: 1st, October 2004 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink