Anorak News | Dos And Don’ts

Dos And Don’ts

by | 3rd, October 2004

‘FOR anyone who wants to look like Britney Spears on her supposed wedding day to Kevin Federline, the Enquirer publishes a guide to achieving the look.

Pot to piss in ($4)

After partaking of cigarettes, fatty foods and spot cream, the wannabe Britney can think about choosing their outfit.

To achieve the look, you’ll need a Swarovski Princess tiara ($345), a pair of silver Guess shoes ($78), an Agent Provocateur bra and panty set (£162 for both), an Etoile band ring ($35) and a pair of pearl drop earrings ($10).

Then all you need is a man to share your vision of cut-priced loveliness.

And if Britney’s fears are founded on anything approaching fact, your groom might just well be called Kevin Federline.

You see, Britney is, apparently, convinced that trophy-hunting gals will want to bed her latest husband.

“While he may be penniless and dependent on her for everything,” says an insider, “she still sees him as a ’babe magnet’.”

So to keep him on a short leash, Britney’s had her lawyers draw up a pre-nuptial agreement before the happy couple exchanged cheap rings and said their “Yeah, whatevers”.

If – or when – the couple split, Federline gets $300,000 a year for half the tenure of the marriage.

Besides his meagre wages for being a professional Mr Spears, Britney will not be called upon to provide for his two children, Kori and Kaleb.

If they receive any gifts – other than jewellery (see wedding rings) – valued at $10,000 or more, lawyers will create a separate legal document saying who will own it if they split.

Kevin will also have zero entitlement to any part in the many Britney Spears companies.

And – get this – both parties are prohibited from leaking “disparaging information about each other, their relationship, their families, or business interests”.

Instead, others will do the leaking, and mysterious unnamed sources (aka Kevin and Britney and their PR teams) will contribute to the numerous books that will be written about the failed marriage and how so much love went so wrong.’

Posted: 3rd, October 2004 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink