Anorak News | Killing With Kindness

Killing With Kindness

by | 5th, November 2004

‘WE promised that we would get through the whole of this week without mentioning the war.

”Ve have vays of making you sleep”

No, not the war in Iraq, where tragically yesterday three members of Black Watch were killed by a suicide bomber – yet more blood to those thirsting sands.

In honour of the Queen’s visit to Germany, we pledged not only that we would not mention either of the two world wars (both of which, incidentally, we won) but that we would only have nice things to say about our, er, European partners.

And we have been good to our word, despite intense provocation from our fun-loving Teutonic friends.

They have had the Queen eating in Hitler’s banqueting hall, sleeping in a hotel that was once used by senior SS officials and no doubt walking along the same streets where Panzers once rolled.

However, we can hold our tongue no longer – the Telegraph reports that our Germanic brothers and sisters are trying even the doughty 78-year-old Queen’s patience.

The paper says that during a medical lecture at the Heinrich-Heine University clinic in Dusseldork (where Hitler no doubt stopped off once to take a leak) the Queen was seen to nod off.

”Her head was seen to slump slightly to the left,” the paper says, ”and her eyes closed for at least 10 seconds as she listened to a lecture entitled ‘New insights into biology and medicine with the use of magnets’.”

If that wasn’t a form of torture of the worst kind, then learn that just before the Queen had been forced to sit through a fashion show where one leggy blonde after another pranced in front of her appreciative husband, Prince Philip.

It is bad enough for any woman to see her husband leering at women half her age, but doubly so for the Queen.

Her dream as a young girl was to grace the catwalks of Europe – and every statuesque woman who walked before her yesterday must have been a painful reminder of the cruel tricks that nature can play.

At 5ft 2in in her stockinged feet, the Queen didn’t even have the height for catalogue modelling.’

Posted: 5th, November 2004 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink