Anorak News | Size Matters

Size Matters

by | 19th, November 2004

‘WE have no idea whether or not Bill Gates is interested in having his penis enlarged.

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If he – and Mrs Gates – are happy with its current size and shape, then all’s well and good.

But if the founder of Microsoft was thinking of giving his wife an early Christmas present in the shape of a few extra gigs on his RAM, then he has something of a problem.

Most of us need only look in our email inbox on an average morning to be able to browse through a whole array of competing methods whereby we can increase our size, self-confidence and attractiveness to woman.

But Bill Gates gets an incredible four million emails a day and, says the Guardian, employs a small team whose sole job it is to ensure he only gets the mail he wants.

How is this team – all of whom, incidentally, boast enormous, er, self-confidence – to decide whether their boss might actually want that offer promising four extra inches in as many weeks?

Perhaps, the billionaire philanthropist would like to help out the son of a Nigerian dictator, who needs for reasons not adequately explained to borrow his bank account briefly to smuggle £20bn out of his country.

And we’re sure that Mr Gates would be grateful for a bit of useful advice on his mortgage or a stock tip or two.

However, the reason why he employs this anti-spam team quickly becomes clear from the story sitting beside it on the front page of the Guardian.

Calestous Juma, professor of international development at Harvard University and consultant to the UN, may have been surprised when he saw an email from No.10 Downing Street in his inbox.

But not half as surprised as he was when he opened it and found that it contained a graphic invitation to take part in “raw and live” sex.

We have no idea what the opposite of “raw” or “live” sex is, but – like Mr Juma – we are horrified to discover the Prime Minister’s official residence being used for such a purpose.

Of course, Tony Blair has been quick to distance himself from the email.

A spokeswoman said: “The porn…did not originate from No.10 or any government source.”

And the fact that all the emails were sent while Bristol University was on holidays is just coincidence…’

Posted: 19th, November 2004 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink