Anorak News | Nat’s Chuffed

Nat’s Chuffed

by | 29th, November 2004

‘IN fame’s great game, Natalie Appleton will doubtless return to Blighty and be just delighted that more people that ever know who she is.

An artist’s impression of Natalie – Xmas 2005

Hang that fact that she’s a complete waste of space, a woman with a talent for nothing but vacuous self-aggrandisement, she is famous in so much as she is known by the masses.

And she must not worry herself that’s she’s been a failure in every Bushtucker Trial she’s faced on I’m A Celebrity.

Nothing will endear her to the underdog loving British public surer than a bout of public humiliation.

But Natalie must be warned that this is where she can go wrong. She is too unapologetic when faced with her miserable limitations.

She needs to be contrite, she needs to show that she is deeply upset and moved by this chastening experience of being exposed as all mouth and no trousers in public.

She needs to show that her time in the jungle has been cathartic and she is now a better person for it.

Perhaps her agent can help her to get in touch with the inner loser and express it to the public via a series of articles in some of the tattier sections of the press.

Better yet if the trauma of not being able to swallow a whole live ferret and then have a rat nest in your womb should lead her to the fridge and so to fatness.

Natalie could balloon to heroic proportions and complain in a further series of articles that her cure for pain is to lie face down in tin of custard creams.

She might then appear on a Celebrity Diet Club and lose 19 stone to the sound of rapturous applause.

This diet would then be discussed through a new book to be serialised in one of the middle-brow tabloids.

Fame is hers already.

But if she’s prepared to sacrifice her marriage, her figure and her health, Natalie can have so much more – she can have a stand-in spot presenting This Morning when Fern Britton is injured…’

Posted: 29th, November 2004 | In: Celebrities Comment | TrackBack | Permalink