Anorak News | A Stable Relationship

A Stable Relationship

by | 8th, December 2004

‘IS that really David Beckham and his pregnant poncho-wearing wife in that stable?

”But nine months ago, you were in America on your own”

It looks very much like them. Her skin looks a bit better than usual, less waxy, and he’s grown his hair out again, but we are convinced that this really is Dave and Vicky.

But why a stable? And why just before Christmas? Surely with his bank balance and her crushing sense of self-importance, they can bag a suite of rooms at a Travelodge?

And if she wants to give birth, countless mums assure us that London’s Portland Hospital offers the kind of luxury no baby should be denied?

In fact, it’s hard not to think there is something not quite right about the Times’ front-page picture of the divine twosome.

And then there’s the ecstatic squeaking of the pig that calls the barn home, oinking like crazy as it’s pleasured by a certain someone.

Plus, one of the wise men looks uncannily like George W Bush – and how farfetched it that?

All at once we see that it’s a fraud. The clue, of course, is that this scene is located in Madame Tussaud’s, that Mecca for Scandinavian tourists in plastic policeman’s helmets and Anthrax T-shirts.

These are no real beings, but mere fakes designed to dupe the general public into thinking Dave and Vicky are something they are not.

Dubya is no more a wise man then David is a humble Jewish carpenter.

As for Posh being a virgin, we cannot refute this possibility – among the myriad photo opportunities that pass for the Beckhams’ love life, there are oddly no shots of them actually shagging.

But still many churchmen are unhappy. Arun Kataria, a spokesman for the Church of England, says the idea to use the Beckhams in this context is “original” – “but it is worth noting that none of the people who took part in the original was a celebrity”.

The Vatican goes further and says this scene verges on the blasphemous.

But it’s only a bit of fun. And if people want to come and look at a couple of dummies behaving like gods, then let them.

And if they want to go to Madame Tussaud’s, let them do that as well…’

Posted: 8th, December 2004 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink