Anorak News | Nil By Mouth

Nil By Mouth

by | 13th, December 2004

‘WHILE the world looked and wondered what Bill Clinton had seen in Monica Lewinsky, we simply began to applaud.

Close, but no cigar

Here at last was a man in a position of power – he was the president of the USA at the time of his alleged dalliance with the intern – forgoing the obligatory nubile blonde in favour of a chubby brunette.

Sure, Monica was better looking than Bill’s wife, but he’d married Hilary when he was an ambitious pup looking for the dream ticket.

Ensconced in his seat of power and smiling broadly, Bill would surely opt for beauty over brains.

But, no, he went for Monica, an unexceptional girl in a shark-infested pool of pneumatic talent.

By rights she should have been a pin-up for middle American womanhood – a woman who dared to be frumpy and plump and still won a man – while Bill should have been lauded for bucking the trend.

But the events of those heady days are now so much testimony.

Monica never became the darling of the media and duly ballooned to such an extent that if she now twanged her knicker elastic at the president, she’d perforate an eardrum.

So she’s been to a ”fat farm” in Canada (so, that’s where those Americans get it from!), having checked into the Grail Springs Health Retreat and Wellness Spa.

There, dieticians put Monica on a regime of oatmeal smoothies, salads, soups, egg white omelettes, herbal teas and vegetables.

In future, she has been told to watch what she puts in her mouth – and if you can’t think of something funny to say about that, you’re in more trouble than Monica…’

Posted: 13th, December 2004 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink