Rocket Man Attacks

‘LET’S play a game of celebrity short-cuts. If we say ”Rocket Man”, who do you think of?

”Gentlemen, to your handbags please”

That’s right, Buzz Aldrin, the world famous astronaut who lent part of his name to a Christmas toy that says ”To infinity and beyond” and ”I hate that Neil Armstrong”.

Some of the fruits hanging on what George Michael calls the ”gay grapevine” will perhaps have opted for Elton John, the old pocket rocket who has now lunched a broadside at his fellow singer.

The Mirror writes that, in an interview, Elton says George needs to ”get out more” because he is in ”a strange place” – or Hampstead, as it’s known to George’s legion of fans and stalkers.

And Elton goes on: ”He’s quite happy just being at home all the time and I think that’s a waste of talent. But it’s his life not mine. There seems to be a deep-rooted unhappiness in his life and it shows on his latest album” – a recording Elton finds ”disappointing”.

To the Star, this is nothing short of front-page news (”YOU BITCH, ELT”), and it continues the story inside as George bites back.

In a barbed comment about Elton’s age (body of a 97-year-old boy; mind of a 14-year-old girl), George says: ”I will always be grateful for the inspiration that he gave me as a child”.

So, as Elton leads with the Dolce & Gabbana clutch bag, George swings his Prada bucket bag over his head in a battle the Mirror calls ”HANDBAGS”.

But – look out! – there’s more. George has penned an open letter to a showbiz magazine, one seen by the Mail, in which he says: ”Elton John knows very little about George Michael, and that’s a fact.”

And at once we have to stop things right there. Sorry, boys, but as soon as one of you starts talking about yourself in the third person, the fight is over.

Gentlemen…drop your handbags.

The winner by way of a technical knockout is Elton John. The loser is George Michael. And let’s have no more said about it…’

Posted: 15th, December 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink