Anorak News | Opera Buff

Opera Buff

by | 21st, January 2005

‘RUMOURS abound that Paul Ross was so desperate to make it onto TV’s Celebrity Fit Club that he gorged himself on all manner of pies and cakes to get the work.

The three tonners

The mealy-mouthed Dannii Minogue to his brother Jonathan’s Kylie was apparently prepared to do whatever it took to make it big.

But when to stop is the question that Paul and others like him have to answer, and opera singer Luciano Pavarotti is mulling that over as he ploughs through his lunch.

The Mail spots the singer sitting on the steps above a beach in Barbados. He’s smiling broadly as he watches his wife Nicoletta at play with their two-year-old daughter Alice.

And he would go and join in the fun if only he could move. Problem is that at 25 stone, he has to wait for a team to lower him down from the wooden steps of his villa to the golden sands with a winch and harness.

While we try to conjure up an image of this scene, our mind’s eye peppered with visions of Minki whales stranded on a beach, an onlooker explains what went on.

“It turned into a military operation with two men taking the strain on ropes behind him as he took one step at a time down to the beach,” says the eyewitness.

“Unfortunately, by the time he reached the bottom he had gathered so much momentum that he went tumbling forward and ended up in a heap.

“It was awful to watch – he just looked so helpless.”

There is clearly nothing in the least bit amusing in this story, which should pass for a cautionary tale to the likes of the aforesaid Ross, the 16lb 7oz baby boy born to a relieved mother in Brazil and Jade Goody.

And Jade has already taken note. She’s not released another keep-fit dance workout, but just hopped along to Doctors Nip ‘n’ Tuck for some sculpting.

The Sun says that the reality TV creation – “nicknamed Miss Piggy” – has had liposuction to trim her “bulging belly and thighs” and another operation to enhance her bust.

As a source at the Capio Springfield Hospital in Chelmsford sensitively reveals: “Jade came in wanting a figure like Marilyn Monroe – but looks more like Matt Monro right now.”

However, when the pain subsides and the swelling goes down, Jade will, as her lookalike crooner of yesteryear would have put it, look like an angel.

And, failing that, she’ll look like a contestant on next year’s Celebrity Fit Club…’

Posted: 21st, January 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink