Is It A Birdie?

”’THE Grand Old Duke of York, he had bag of golf clubs, he flew them up in his chartered jet and he flew them down again…”

”My kingdom for a plane!”

There’s nothing like a sing-song to get the juices flowing on a bleak Monday morning. And what better man to celebrate in rhyme than the very dear Andrew Windsor?

For some time now, we’ve been wondering what happened to Andrew. He’s not been seen out much in public and less so in the papers.

But that’s because, the Telegraph says, we’ve been looking in the wrong places.

We shouldn’t have been trying to spot him opening hospital wings and school fetes, because Andrew’s had his head in the clouds.

According to a report prepared by the National Audit Office for Labour MP Ian Davidson, Andrew loves flying here, there and everywhere.

Only, since he cannot yet fly unaided on a pair of luxurious ermine and plaid wings, he is forced to hire aircraft.

And over the past 12 months this necessity has cost the public purse £325,000.

The bird-man, whom the Times says has been dubbed ”Air Miles Andy” and the ”Junket of York”, is revealed to have spent £3,000 to make a 50-mile journey to lunch with the Omani-British Friendship Association.

There was a cheaper method of travel mentioned but, as the report says, the Prince rejected it.

”Travel by rail [which would have cost £97] was considered but rejected as an option based on the additional hour-and-a-half travelling time that would have been involved and the potential unreliability of the train arrival time,” we hear.

And we must point out that in the Prince’s world, time is golf.

And there is more. In addition to taking a chopper to lunch, Andrew chartered a helicopter to fly him 35 miles to visit a baby lotion firm [train price: £17].

And this is on top of the £32,000 he famously spent employing the RAF to fly him to the Royal & Ancient Golf Club in St Andrews.

These stories cast Andrew in a pretty poor light, making him look like little more than a greedy ligger.

As such, he should be allowed to reply, but, what with the cost of flying him into Anorak Towers, and then up and down the stairs, it’s a right we cannot afford him…’

Posted: 24th, January 2005 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink