Anorak News | A Celebrity Nightmare

A Celebrity Nightmare

by | 31st, January 2005

‘IT is, says the National Enquirer, “a celebrity’s worst nightmare”.

”Ready or not, your Majesty, here I come…”

You have shot a 30-minute video of you and your lover in the throes of passion and hidden the tape where no-one will find it – next to the TV and labelled “Honeymoon Tape – PRIVATE”.

And then…the maid doesn’t take it.

You put it out on the coffee table…and she just dusts round it. You leave the TV on and the video on pause, but she just presses eject and puts the tape back in its cover.

It is, as the Enquirer says, a nightmare.

Suddenly, all that free publicity, all the royalties from the video sales, the merchandising, the sequels and the spin-offs could be in jeopardy.

What do you do? Give the maid the camera and ask her to film you if she thinks she could do better? Get a new maid? Get a new lover?

You do all of the above and, if that still doesn’t work, you call Kevin Blatt, the porn publicist who marketed the Paris Hilton sex tape.

“I’ve been approached by three different companies with three different celebrity sex tapes,” Kevin tells the magazine.

“There’s a lot more out there and it’s up to me to go out there are find them.”

So what’s the going rate for a sex tape?

Who is there who could beat that $150m that One Night In Paris is reckoned to have grossed?

“Oh God, if there was a Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears tape out there, that would be the ultimate,” says Kevin. “Beyonce and Jay-Z would be incredible.”

Dan Grissom, owner of Oasis Video which sells the Paris Hilton tape, says the tape of the hotel heiress made her career.

“People want a deeper peek into the lives of celebrities, now more than ever,” he said. “If people find a sex tape in Jessica Simpson’s closet, they’ll have a field day.”

Did you hear that, Jessica’s maid? It’s in her closet…’

Posted: 31st, January 2005 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink