Anorak News | A Nation Rejoices

A Nation Rejoices

by | 11th, February 2005

”’QUEEN IN ALL BUT NAME” announces the Mirror, next to a picture of Prince Charles in a dress, thereby finally utilising a headline that editors have been waiting for years to use.

Next in line to the throne

They were initially prevented from doing so by official spoilsports who insisted on scotching rumours that the heir to the throne was gay; but now they are able to bring the words into service after all.

For the dress that Charles wears is a kilt, and the queen in question is the woman of a certain age who stands proudly by his side.

And the happy occasion is of course the announcement that after 34 years of sinful dalliance, the Prince of Wales is to make an honest woman of Camilla Parker Bowles.

Reaction is mixed. The natural obsequiousness of the Mail and Express is tempered by the moralistic posturing of their columnists.

”Don’t expect me to celebrate,” says the Mail’s Amanda Platell, thus dashing at a stroke the hopes of millions of homeowners who had been counting on her to show support for the prince, thus creating a feel-good factor and sending house prices soaring.

On a similarly sour note, the paper also reveals that the wedding service will include a part in which the couple repent for all their sins.

In keeping with the self-flagellation of our secular age, they will confess three times during ”penitence prayers” as a punishment for causing the breakdown of their previous unions.

The Sun and Mirror both treat the imminent nuptials as a showbiz story, with much focus on the engagement ring – or ”bling” as they would have it.

So it falls once more to the Star to put things in perspective and give it to us straight.

Alone among the tabloids, they choose to devote most of their front page to other matters (”Billie’s night on coke with Gazza”, ”Denise gets ’em Outen for Walliams”, etc).

In fact, they devote a mere fifth of the page to the royal couple, with the headline: ”BORING OLD GITS TO WED”.

And that’s a toast to which Anorak is happy to raise its 900-year-old celebratory goblet.’

Posted: 11th, February 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink