Anorak News | He Who Dares

He Who Dares

by | 4th, March 2005

‘DO YOU lie awake fearing for the safety of Prince Harry?

Harry laughs in the face of snakebites

Oh. All right then, be like that. But even if you don’t care about Harry, you probably do care about how your taxes are spent.

So the Mail’s story about “Harry’s SAS minder” will be of interest, because it explains how the hot-headed royal’s new bodyguard will be providing value for money by preparing the prince for public life.

Unlike most SAS men, who spend their lives making spectacular cock-ups and then writing fictitious accounts of their imaginary heroics, it turns out that Jamie Lowther-Pinkerton (for it is he) is the real deal – a proper hero and a former boyfriend of royal nanny Tiggy Legge-Bourke to boot.

Not only that, but he likes a drink. The Mail tells of how the Queen Mum once approached him as he left “a riotous stag party” at St James’s Palace: “‘Did you have a party here last night, Jamie?’ the Queen Mother asked sternly as she stepped into her carriage, adjusting her colostomy bag with effortless grace. ‘It’s just that I’m so glad to see the place being properly used at last.’”

(By the way, as part of Anorak’s policy of adding value to your news coverage, we have inserted seven extra words into the above paragraph from the Mail, as part of our new Readers’ Quiz. Just for fun, can you spot them?)

Anyway, Jamie Lowther-Pinker is a bloody good bloke, and he’s done lots of brave and exciting things and he’s jolly well going to take young Harry in hand and make a man of him.

One place he could start is by paying a trip to the Rattlebone Inn, young Harry’s favourite rural watering hole.

The Mirror relates admiringly how Jamie “survived snakebites” during his 20 years in the army.

All well and good, but can he survive 15 snakebites and a spliff the size of a polo mallet followed by an impromptu game of nude rugby on the village green?

We here at Anorak think he can, and we’ll fight any man who says otherwise.

Godspeed, Pinkie. A nation’s hopes rest on your broad shoulders.’

Posted: 4th, March 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink