Anorak News | Old Splice

Old Splice

by | 16th, May 2005

‘WHAT do we look like when we’ve died? A junior doctor could tell us that we look like an “O” (mouth open) or a “Q” (mouth open, tongue lolled out).

”Did you see that randy pig on Channel 5?”

But what will we look like to the ones we leave behind? What image of us will be left indelibly engraved on their mind’s eye after we’ve gone?

And will this image be before or after Messers Nip ‘n’ Tuck reshaped that snaggle tooth and tied the better half of your face behind ears?

No wonder TV trots out the mantra about only the good dying young. Think of your eternal image of James Dean: clean cut and all American. And then compare his outline to the shapeless mass of bone and cuticle that is the aged Elizabeth Taylor.

If Taylor had died young, fallen off a horse, say, she’d be right now stuck on a million students’ walls and not sharing the limelight with a monkey in the trial of an alleged paedophile.

Now think of Geri Halliwell. Her career might be on life support, but the body is still alive; rather, make that the bits of it forever wrapped in the Union Flag.

Last night, Halliwell’s latest fall from the headlines saw her pop up and out on Channel 5.

For those of you who missed There’s Something About Geri, the nutshell is that Geri likes talking about Geri. She sees men as “spineless disgusting dogs” that can be replaced by a vibrating tube of easy-wipe plastic. And she loves attention.

For those of you that saw the show, we invite you to close your eyes and invoke an image of La Halliwell. We’d wager it is unaltered from the one you had of her before the show aired.

You know, the one of her busting out of a dress, hiding her talents, or lack of them, behind two fulsome bushels of breast and nipple.

Halliwell will always be so. The person may be breathing, but the celebrity was born and died the day she wore that dress…’

Posted: 16th, May 2005 | In: Celebrities Comment | TrackBack | Permalink