Anorak News | God’s Messenger

God’s Messenger

by | 27th, May 2005

‘REMEMBER when Kabbalah was an exclusive A-list thing? It taught the beautiful people how to achieve eternal peace, praise beyond measure and everlasting publicity? For it was written.

Can’t see the strings

Well, we can now announce that the doors of Kabbalah are today open to anyone with the ability to pay wildly over the odds for a strip of red sting and possessed by the desire to tie it to their wrist.

Melinda Messenger, the woman with the common touch, and the uncommon breasts, tells OK! that she and her husband Wayne are part of the sect/cult/religion/private members VIP Kabbalah club.

“I can only say it’s not a passing phase or a whim or a fad,” says Melinda. Oh, that’s good – not just the bit about it being a serious business, but chiefly the inference that she’s not going to talk about it any more.

But, what’s this, Melinda has already gone back on her word, and we too soon find that she has a few more bon mots to utter about the wonder of Kaballah.

“What I can really say is that it 100 per cent works for us,” says MM. And she’s got the evidence to back it up. You see, if it wasn’t for Kabbalah, she and Wayne might well have gone their separate ways.

So is Kabbalah just Relate for celebs with red bits of string attached? Is it Dr Ruth pulling a woolly red hanky from her sleeve? Is it a good way of meeting Madonna without having to buy a ticket?

Well, the third bit has some value. “We have met them,” says MM, “but I wouldn’t discuss them in as much as they are on their own spiritual journey.”

And while Madonna’s spiritual tour takes in Olympia and other major venues, Melinda is proud to be at home. And, who knows, you may be invited to join her there one day.

Melinda and Wayne have talked about letting the cameras into their abode – “but we think it would be utter chaos and carnage with three toddlers, two shitsus and two lovebirds in the house”.

While we don’t want to delve into Melinda’s secretive spirituality any more than is necessary in a showbiz interview – and don’t dare ask her if the two shitus and two lovebirds are real creatures or just codenames for she and Wayne – we are worried about this talk of carnage.

Mass death sits uneasily with a spiritual cult. And, though MM and Wayne mention no plans to relocate to Guyana or Waco, we do see Wayne strumming an acoustic guitar and the pair of them smiling a bit too often and a bit too brightly…’

Posted: 27th, May 2005 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink