Anorak News | Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves

Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves

by | 1st, June 2005

‘THE report of the Spice Girls’ death has been greatly exaggerated.

There are only two people in a marriage

Yesterday’s Mirror did not produce pictures of the Queen’s Own Atomic Kittens or the First Armoured Girls Aloud torturing the Spices in the back of a truck, but the paper did say that the band had been deemed too “plastic” for Live Aid II.

They would not be performing in the biggest music event of the century.

Today we know that to be less than the full truth. Just listen to Bob Geldof speaking to the Mail: “I spoke to them [Spices] this morning and it’s looking good that they will be there.”

He goes on: “There’s a lot of stuff they have got to sort through…There are only two people in a marriage, remember – but five in a band.”

Unless, of course, the Girls are in a polygamous marriage, which opens up an altogether different debate, and makes us wonder which one, if any, is the man of the outfit. (Answers on a shell suit to the usual address.)

And then there is the none too small matter of an affair, which would make three in a marriage, or given the hedonistic nature of pop stars’ lives, four, five or six.

We are unable to name many of Halliwell’s lovers, but the one called Ginger did leave the band to flirt with a solo career.

It was an affair that gave birth to a bastard music of sorts, and she has enjoyed the most No.1s of any member of the band.

But now, as the Sun says, Geri the artiste is to be no more. In “Geri: It’s Over”, readers are invited to cast off their ear plugs, remove the tape from the eyes and know that Geri’s new track is so dire that it sounds a tuneless death knell on her singing career.

After some heavy marketing, news is that her latest assault on the airwaves, an insipid track called ‘Desire’, has hobbled into the charts at No. 18.

“As far as your music career is concerned, Geri,” says the Sun, “your p45 is in the post.” To emphasise this, the paper offers Geri some career guidance by showing what she’d look like working in McDonald’s.

Which all means that Halliwell needs Live Aid II – five simultaneous free concerts in Europe and America – to save her career from terminal heartburn.

So come on Hans in Berlin, Fabio in Rome, Brad in the USA, Serge in Paris and Josh in London, dig deep in your pockets and give it up for Geri.

Is she not thin? Is she not needy? Is she not starved of success? Dig deep in your pockets and give.

The rest of us can’t bear to listen to her pitiful screaming any longer…’

Posted: 1st, June 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink