Anorak News | Celebrity Squares

Celebrity Squares

by | 16th, June 2005

‘TO sum up OK!’s Michelle and Stu’s take on Big Brother so far. Michelle: “I liked Kemal’s piles.” Stu: “I like Lesley; what you see is what you get. She even weed in front of everyone.”

You can’t go out like that, Jodie! Take some clothes off, you prude!

How the contestants choose to follow that – and best they take along a mop – is sure to keep Stu and Michelle gripped.

And while we wait for contestants to give British TV its long awaited first live pubic hair pluck and edgy real time enema, OK! busies itself with a round-up of life reality TV land.

To begin, the magazine says goodbye to Lesley. She came. She saw. She weed. Television is all the poorer for her absence.

We then note that I’m a Celebrity’s Jordan has had a boy. As the world now knows, hers was an emergency birth, which means that there was no time for OK! to get a snapper to the scene and give us an insightful glimpse into one of the few parts of Jordan we’ve never seen.

While little Jordan prepares for his debut, and his twin, Placenta, threatens to spill the beans in “My Months of Hell”, we are greeted by Jade Goody and her famous kebabs.

This week, Jade has chosen to keep her two hunks of carved meat wrapped up in her Pita bread-style, slit-up-the-leg dress.

It was her son Booby’s third birthday, and Jade, her kebabs, Bobby and dad Jeff were all at the “plush” Next Generation Club in Gidea Park, Romford.

It was a blindin’ do. “Well,” says OK knowingly, “when you have a kids’ entertainer like Mr Bubbles doing his thing, you’d hardly be surprised.”

For sure. If there’s one thing guaranteed to get a children’s party gong with a swing it’s Mr Bubbles. Or, failing that, Mrs Bubbles, aka Jade.

And on OK! goes. It flies to Barbados to check up on Jodie Marsh and Kenzie from Blazin’ Squad, the ersatz Jordan and Peter, who do everything second and slightly smaller.

Not much doing with those two so as any one without a microscope would notice. So OK! sets foot ashore in Fiji, where Celebrity Love Island is proving that not every celeb is shagging every other celebrity in the VIP section at a swanky members only club.

Indeed, the Love Island crew seem to be the only Brits abroad not shagging everything with a tattoo and getting out of their heads on hooch and pills.

Which goes to disprove the old adage that celebrities are like you, me and everyone else. They’re not. They’re far more demure and restrained…’

Posted: 16th, June 2005 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink