Anorak News | Able Seaman

Able Seaman

by | 21st, June 2005

‘AAAH, me hearties! After a desperate search over the Seven Seas, the Sun spots a celebrity in a bikini…on a boat.

Any port in a storm

The wearer of the brown two-piece bathing suit is Nancy Dell’Olio, who can also be seen in holiday garb on the Mail’s cover.

“The Karma Sventra,” says the Sun’s front page. “A Sven and Nancy guide to holiday love.”

Over a double-page spread, readers who want to learn what it is about wealthy Sven that sends a secretary’s pulse racing get to see the silver ferret going through the motions with his Nancy.

“Play in any position,” says the headline, as the Sun invites readers to watch Sven engage in a bout of something “between yoga, the Karma Sutra and all –in wrestling” with his “flexible friend”.

Feast your eyes on “The Snake Charmer” (Nancy nibbles Sven’s sun-kissed pink leg); “The Moon is Rising” (Sven lifts Nancy’s leg up, but falls disappointingly short of placing it behind her ears); “The Toe Job” (Nancy squeezes Sven’s toe); and “Stroking the Tiger” (Nancy tickles Sven’s thigh).

Similar shots are produced in the Mail, including one of Dell’Olio showing the world the front of her bikini, which is a mixture of blue, yellow, brown and orange squares.

But while Sven explores different formations with his lover, the paper’s front-page headline says “Nancy’s love boat sails in stormy waters”.

The story goes that while Sven and Nancy holiday, his former lover, Faria Alam, is preparing to tell all about her and Sven’s affair.

We thought we’d heard enough details of that episode already, right down to how Sven’s foreplay included loading the dishwasher.

But now we’re going to hear more as Alam appears before an employment tribunal claiming unfair dismissal against the Football Association.

Miss Alam says she was “forced” to quit her job at the FA, where she met Sven and had an affair with former chief executive Mark Palios. And where she claims a third executive pestered her for sex.

What she’ll reveal is anyone’s guess. But if it’s a bikini, you can be sure the papers will cover it…’

Posted: 21st, June 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink