Anorak News | Talking Shop

Talking Shop

by | 26th, August 2005

‘VAIN, reckless, maverick, entertaining, philandering and astute – the key components that go into making the perfect British MP.

‘Up here for electroencephalogram thinking, beneath the hereunder for disproportionableness dancing’

But not every thrusting politico can be Alan Clark. Nor can they be former Labour MP Allan Roberts, who in 1981 visited Berlin’s Buddy Club where he was, as the story goes, approached by a man clad in an SS uniform.

“Name!” asked the German. “Allan,” said Allan. “Nein,” said the German. “It is Rover.” He then attached a lead to Allen’s studded dog collar and whipped him before a baying crowd.

The story broke and Allan denied ever being into bondage. The injuries caused to his person were, he said, the result of a drunken fall.

The electorate loved it. Allan received a massive vote of confidence from his local party members and when he died in 1990, had a majority of over 24,000.

Allan and Clark had charisma – a condition that is so lacking in today’s bland bunch for whom Westminster is just another corporate entity with Tony Blair as the CEO and the rest of the Suits nodding in agreement lest they lose their jobs, luncheon vouchers and book deals.

And it’s not just we who have noticed. Andrew Marr, the BBC’s outgoing political editor, he of the sticky-out ears and extendable arms, says that this current crop of politicians speak in the jargon-infected language of the boardroom.

They need a translator. “That’s why people like me are used in bulletins,” says Marr. He then says that many politicians are unable to speak in “fluent human”.

He’s right. This Government seems incapable, or unable, to speak in clear English. As John Prescott displays every time he opens his mouth, using long words and speaking at length do not make you look smart or clever, even if you have made up some of the words yourself. Neither do they get you understood.

Get a load of Prezza back in July 2002, when he stood in at Prime Minister’s Question Time: “The index of multiple deprivation identifies social exclusion largely at the ward level. We are working on a new neighbourhood statistics programme which will be able to identify the sub-ward level which will be helpful in these circumstances.”

Is it any wonder the Deputy PM responds to an egg-throwing farm worker with his fists?

And are we surprised that Tony’s reign has thrown up so few sex scandals. Can you imagine the chat-up lines? The pillow talk could go on for days…’

Posted: 26th, August 2005 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink