Stealing The Show

‘JADE Goody will not be appearing before the Beak for her part in what the Sun calls “ASDAGATE”.

‘But I found him in aisle 10’

The supermarket chain has decided not to pursue any case against the reality TV star after she, allegedly, failed to pay for a size 16 denim waistcoat.

Jade will get away with it. And the Sun thinks it knows why. “Notice to customers,” says the Sun’s sign. “Shoplifters will be prosecuted (Unless you’re a C-list celebrity who’ll help shift our goods.”)

That’s good news for Jade, and encouraging news for other celebs, like Richard Madeley and Winona Ryder.

But even with Jade’s celebrity endorsement, sales of the item have yet to rocket. Jade’s yet to do for revolting denim waistcoats what Delia Smith once did for omelette pans and Jamie Oliver for goose fat.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, millions of women are not today dashing to the supermarket to get the Jade look.

And the stores new advertising campaign is yet to feature a shoplifter patting the back pocket of her jeans (with security tag intact) in delight at the store’s low prices as she hawks her booty at the local market.

In any case, Jade is innocent. “I have two houses and four cars,” says she. “Why would I steal a £16 jacket?”

We have not the foggiest idea. Perhaps to wear it? Why does anyone steal anything? But before we get into a heated debate on what ownership is and why one woman steals and another does not, we see some potential in this event.

Might it be that the CCTV footage of Goody moving about the supermarket could form the basis of a new reality TV show?

As a spokesman for Asda says: “CCTV followed her because they knew she was famous.” Which leads us to wonder why famous people get this special treatment? Are they more likely to steal than the rest of us? Has the trained eye of the security guard spotted a trend?

If so, all hail Celebrity Shoplifting, the show in which celebs try to see how much thy can steal in a day.

And the best thing is that it will all be for charity. Which should see off any protests from the owners of the purloined goods, and help those good causes and the needy…’

Posted: 5th, October 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink