Anorak News | Shaky Ground

Shaky Ground

by | 14th, October 2005

‘WHAT is the correct way to stave off questions as to whether you’ve ever smoked cannabis? David Cameron thinks he knows.

A straight up kind of guy

As the Telegraph says on its front page, when asked about his drugs history on BBC TV’s Question Time, the Tory leadership hopeful replied: “I have not answered the question about drugs because I think that is all in the past and I didn’t think you have to answer it.”

Of course, if Cameron has ever smoked cannabis, his judgement may have become clouded in a haze of sweet-smelling noxious gasses.

But more important than what Cameron says is the way he says it – aside from the drugs thing, do we know anymore about what he stands for?

Cameron, as we are constantly reminded, is an old Etonian, and as such is expected to know how to field questions with a gentlemanly air.

Another person may well have stuck two fingers up to their interrogator or else resorted to fisticuffs (see John Prescott). But not Cameron.

And you too can behave in the proper fashion should you attend the new “etiquette college” at Lickleyhead Castle in Aberdeenshire.

This college will not only teach you the correct way to answer a question but also how to ballroom dance, speak in public and tip your butler.

Should you wish to embark on a career in politics, the three-day finishing school for young men will teach you how to address a crowd, send and reply to invitations and perform the Tony Blair “power handshake”.

For the record, and for anyone interested in such things, the Times says that when shaking hands with another do not stand too close.

“Shake the person’s hand firmly but do not crush it,” says the sage advice. “To make an extra-strong impression, touch the person lightly on the elbow as you shake, but for no longer than three seconds.” Any longer and they will think you’re coming on to them – a thing to be avoided if you are the aforesaid Blair meeting with the famously flirty Jacques Chirac.

You are now almost ready to begin your new life as a gentleman. The only thing left to do is to learn how to handle your morning paper.

The received wisdom is to lick along the gummed strip…’

Posted: 14th, October 2005 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink