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Bum Deal

by | 5th, November 2005

‘THERE’S safety in numbers. Here are 18 things we learned last week…

0.85 – You are less likely to have a hearty attack if the ratio of your waist to your hips is 0.9 for men and 0.85 for women

2 – David Blunkett has now resigned form the Cabinet twice in the past year

4 – Steven Windless discovered doctors had left 4 feet of wire in his body after an operation ten years ago. He noticed when bit of the wire poked through his neck as he was driving

5 – Amendments to the Road Safety Bill mean drivers who kill while talking on a mobile telephone or failing to pay proper attention to the road could face up to five years in jail

10 – Paul Brown, of the Cumbria Alcohol and Drug Advisory Service, says he has treated a 10-year-old child addicted to alcopops

11.56 – Prison chiefs have hired pagan priest Ian Edwards at a rate of £11.56 an hour plus expenses to visit inmates at Kingston Prison, Portsmouth

18 – Immigrants need 18 right answers from 24 questions to pass the new Britishness test

20 – Camilla took 20 staff and 50 dresses with her for her trip to the USA with Prince Charles

25 – The price of orange and apple juice is likely to rise by 25 per cent due to hurricanes says The British Soft Drinks Association

56 – Paris Hilton’s mega-rich boyfriend Stavros Niarchos is reported to have amused himself and pals on a night out in Los Angles by offering a tramp £56 to pour a fizzy drink over his own head

150 – Jason Evans was fined £150 and given three points on his licence after he drive his car through a puddle and accidentally splashed a council workman

150 – Delivery driver Dennis Williams was given a £25 ticket for parking his white van on a double yellow line in Wales. He threw away the ticket and received a £150 fine for dropping litter

800 – The Rev Kyle Lake, of University Parish Church, Waco, Texas, was killed before 800 worshippers by an electric shock after grabbing a microphone while baptising a woman in water

1,400 – The fist Christian Church is to be built in Qatar since the arrival of Islam in the 7th century

2,000 – Bolton Wanderers footballer Ivan Campo flies makes the round trip from Manchester to Madrid to get his hair cut

5,200 – A signed watercolour of a German postman by Hitler was sold at an auction in Cornwall for £5,200

10,000 – Former Arsenal and England goalkeeper David Seaman is hoping to raise £10,000 for charity by having his laughable ponytail cut off

17,000 – American Gail O’Toole could be fined £17,000 for glueing her cheating boyfriend Ken Slaby’s penis to his stomach as he slept. She also glued a testicle to his leg and his buttocks together

26,000 – The American military estimates that 26,000 Iraqis have been killed or injured by insurgents since January last year

340,000 – The light blue 1975 Ford car owned by Pope John Paul II was bought at auction by John O’Quinn, a Houston lawyer, for £340,000

150 quadrillion to 1 – Forensic expert Carmen Eckhoff said the chances of blood found at the scene of murdered British backpacker Peter Falconio belonging to anyone other than the accused, Bradley Murdoch, were 150 quadrillion to 1′



Posted: 5th, November 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink