Dead Wood And Mrs Simpson

‘JESSICA Simpson has it all. And now, as the Enquirer reports, she’s got a psychiatrist.

So “desperate” is the actress to save her marriage to Nick Lachey that she’s having her head examined.

This is not as dramatic as it sounds. In Hollywood a shrink is just a cosmetic surgeon for your feelings. He nips your occipital lobe, he tucks your cerebrum, he sucks flabby thinking from your cerebral cortex.

“If I don’t do this, I’ll push everything back until I explode,” says Jessica. And no-one would want that.

So Jessica, a real life Simpson character, albeit more orange than Homer and his yellowy kin, is releasing her pent up feelings to a therapist.

To aid this process, she’s reportedly keeping volumes of spiral-bound notebooks. The Enquirer says these books are used to “help express and understand her emotions”.

Perhaps one day we will get to see what these journals contain. Perhaps the books will form an integral part of any forthcoming documentary on Jessica’s life. And then there’s the film of The Simpson Ledgers, with Kelsey Grammer as the psychiatrist, Simpson as the spine on a notebook and Woody Allen as her brain.

In the short term, it’s more likely Simpson’s trips to the head doctors will feature on Newlyweds, the MTV show she and her husband Nick star on.

But maybe we should not believe everything we see. The Enquirer has heard reports that the newlyweds are having a prolonged ad break. There’s no need to rush back to the telly from making that cup of tea and taking a leak because so far this hiatus has lasted almost two months.

Little wonder Jessica is seeking help to patch things up. Unless her people can sell MTV the series “Newly-separated” and then “Newly divorced”, she needs Nick by her side.

But it might be too late. “They should have just ended it six months go, but there was always another business reason not to break up,” says an insider.

Or crack up…’

Posted: 11th, November 2005 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink