Anorak News | The Brain Drain

The Brain Drain

by | 7th, December 2005

‘WHERE is a man’s brain located? It’s the question that has worried scientific researchers at Syracuse University in the United States..


And the answer is not the same for all men. Wayne Rooney, for instance, has his brains in his feet. Mike Tyson’s brains are in his fists. And as CCTV footage of pub brawls shows, some men are simply brainless.

But researchers have taken this thinking one stage further. They claim there’s a direct relationship between a man’s brain and his private parts.

Men have a choice: create lots of sperm or lots of brain cells – but not both. To those men who opt for sperm production over brain matter, the Sun keeps the headline simple: “IF YOU’RE DUMB YOU WILL BE WELL HUNG.”

Even if the headline is not strictly true, it at least contains a rudimentary rhyme, which if repeated often enough should make sense to even the most challenged male mind.

Indeed, the headline might even be a clever pun. It recognises that the research was carried out on bats. The scientists studied 334 types of bat and noticed some startling things.

In bat species with promiscuous females – we’ll call them the chav bats – males with large testicles and smaller brains stood the greatest chance of mating.

In monogamous bats – we’ll call them the Blairs – the successful male bats had smaller testicles and larger brains.

As lead researcher Dr Scott Pitnick says, brains and testicles are “metabolically expensive organs that energetically trade-off against one another”.

Which is deeply fascinating isn’t it? Isn’t it? Are you listening? Hello…’

Posted: 7th, December 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink