Anorak News | Check Your Mirrors

Check Your Mirrors

by | 9th, March 2006

‘SEE the learner driver with his hands, white at the knuckles, stuck fast to the wheel in the “ten-to-two” position.

Read Anorak on your mobile

He’s taking no chances. He knows the rules. Not for anything will he remove even one hand from the steering device – not to change gears as his car climbs a steep hill, not to release the handbrake as the lights change from red to green and not to deal with that unfortunate itch.

But once he’s passed his driving test, our motorist falls into bad habits. He smokes at the wheel. He picks his nose. He uses hand gestures not included in the Highway Code.

Take a look at the Mirror’s front page, where “dopey” Donna Maddock is pictured driving along at 32mph with no hands on the wheel.

This part-time mo-del is not disabled and commanding our attention thanks to her ability to steer with her teeth or hair extensions; Maddock has hands and is using them to hold an eye make-up brush and a compact mirror.

“LOOK! NO HANDS,” says the Star as it too sees the 22-year-old blonde’s moment of “madness”.

The picture of Maddock showboating behind the wheel was taken by a policeman. The traffic officer took the incriminating shot of Maddock driving her red Vauxhall Astra along the A499 Pwllheli to Abersoch road in North Wales.

Maddock ended up in a court in Pwllheli. Magistrates saw the picture. And they considered the evidence.

But before they can deliver their verdict, the Sun would like to hear from the accused. And the headline says so much: “I had to do make-up as I drove…I was seeing secret lover.”

So this make-up was meant as a disguise? Like some kind of clown – remember that driving with no hands – Maddock was applying the greasepaint to cover up her features. Note the red nose. See the sad, drooping eyes. Pay special attention to the inch-wide band of lipstick.

But Maddock is no circus performer. The Sun says that this “chav calendar girl” was just trying to look good for her date with a fella who lives with his girlfriend and their child.

“I must have looked like Penelope Pitstop driving along slapping the make-up on,” says Maddock hopefully. “But, it’s something all women do. I can’t see what all the big fuss is about.”

Of course she can’t see the problem – she’s looking at herself in a compact mirror.

Maddock continues her defence by saying how all her friends think it’s “hilarious”. She describes herself as being “so blonde”.

A spokesman for North Wales police has heard enough. Says he: “A car is a dangerous lump of metal…you need to be in control at all times and Miss Maddock’s actions beggar belief”.

Over in the Mail, a spokesman for road safety charity Roadpeace says it’s “a miracle that she didn’t kill or seriously injure someone”.

So, with the case for and against heard, magistrates fined Maddock £200 and endorsed her licence with six penalty points. The Mirror says the Beaks did consider banning Maddock from driving – until they realised she was recently disqualified for 20 months for driving with double the legal alcohol limit in her system.

Handless and legless – whatever will she do next?’

Posted: 9th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink