Anorak News | Small Minded

Small Minded

by | 2nd, May 2006

‘DAVID Miliband is the Minister of Communities and Local Government. He is your local community politician. He says: “Over the next week our priority is to make sure people do think local.’

Exit polls

Forget about John Prescott wiping the spittle off his lascivious lips and asking his secretary if she wants to see the third way and just get a load of those local bobbies on the beat, those local wheelie bins and the local library’s new copy of D:Ream’s 1997 election hit Things Can Only Get Better.

Forget the big picture; think small; be small minded. It’s not John Prescott’s pants that proudly point the way ahead. It’s the Labour Party’s policy to improve things locally. (This must be why they kicked off their election campaign by attacking Tory leader David Cameron – to keep it local.)

Sure, your locale may be terrorised by a foreign criminal released into the community by Home Secretary Charles Clarke’s department.

Granted, your local hospital is neglectful, filthy and understaffed, despite what nanny Patricia Hewitt says. (The hospital may be a bastion of cleanliness and efficiency – it’s just that when Health Secretary Hewitt speaks we all feel ill.)

And we understand when you say you are unsettled by your girlfriend’s frequent late return from the office, and her smelling of old raw egg and even older seaman. Try to focus on the library, and your new wheelie bin.

Of course there is every chance voters will use the local elections to voice their displeasure with the Government.

And that is bad news for Tony & Co. The Labour Party looks set to loose council seats.

Professors Colin Rallings and Michael Thrasher of the Elections Centre, Plymouth University, paint a grim picture for Tony and his troubled band.

Their research suggests that the Tories are on course to do very well on May 4. “They will register about 100 council seat gains overall,” say the professors.

The LibDems are all set to wrest control of the London boroughs of Lambeth and Southwark from Labour.

And it is crisis time for Labour in Wigan, or “Fortress Wigan” as the Community Action Party calls it.

And there’s the Canvey Island Independent Party. No, not the Canvey Island Independence Party – however, seductive the idea of the Essex island becoming its own country is, the CIP’s demands are relatively modest. They seek to prevent developers doing what they will to Castle Point, and reopen that ward’s public toilets.

Of course, it is far from all up for the Labour Party. The Times quotes Plymouth’s aforementioned Election Centre as saying that losing up to 150 seats is “poor but manageable”.

And better than that, Gordon Brown has spoken with Angelina Jolie during a global conference call to publicise a campaign for universal primary school education in the third world.

“We’re very pleased to wish you and Brad well personally with your child but we know you’re continuing this work and thanks for it,” said Brown from the West Bromwich Labour club.

La Jolie, who has rented the better part of a luxury beach resort to experience the harsh realities of African life, was pleased.

So would she endorse Gordon’s leadership challenge? Would Gordon heal the world? ‘I. . . I think he certainly will if he has the chance. So yes, personally I would like to see it,’ said she.

So much for middle aged secretaries…’

Posted: 2nd, May 2006 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink