Anorak News | The Groucho Club

The Groucho Club

by | 16th, June 2006

YOU join us in the Egyptian Hall in the City of London’s Mansion House, the Lord Mayor’s official residence.

A long table (possibly a few tables joined together) has been dressed for a grand luncheon.

At one end of the table sits Alderman and Sheriff John Stuttart. At the other end sits Mr Sheriff Kevin Kearney. In the centre is Her Majesty the Queen, party crown on her head as she celebrates her 80th birthday.

To her right is sat the religious figure of Tony Blair. To her left lurks the secular Archbishop of Canterbury (“My favourite course was the turbot”).

In all there are 350 guests waiting to eat, among them Cliff Richard, Shirley Bassey and Vera Lynn. But before they can work their way through the array of forks and spoons, the Queen has a few words to say.

The Telegraph says she is in “playful mood”, rising before the guests to deliver one of Groucho Marx’s lines: “Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.”

Proving that the old ones are the best ones, Her Majesty then moves on to the food, a four-course meal created in the Great British Menu television series competition involving leading chefs, as the Times reports.

“Creating a good menu is a familiar dilemma for any host, but the solution of competitive cooking is a new concept to me, although I understand there are as yet no penalty shoot-outs,” says the Queen, bringing an element of football to her banquet.

Having introduced a football theme to the do, and resisted the urge to volley a cockle across the room and get ‘em out for the lads, Her Majesty makes way for David Brewer, the Lord Mayor.

To prove how good her speech was, the Times hears Brewer deliver his own address. “Without telling any porkies, the nation cherry-picked the menu even though I thought they were spoonfed a few red herrings on the way.”

After that dog’s dinner of a speech, everyone is more than ready to eat. But before the smoked salmon with blinis (what more British dish than that?) Tony Blair pours the syrup.

“The reason has been the overriding quality you possess and which has guided you and impressed us from the moment you became Queen — obedience to duty. Duty is what marks you out, Ma’am — a selfless, dignified and perpetual adherence to doing your duty by your country.”

Finally, the food emerges from the kitchens and all tuck in heartily.

And they had best hurry – there is not long to go before England take on Trinidad & Tobago in the World Cup. And the indigestion sets in…

Posted: 16th, June 2006 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink