Anorak News | Testing Testing

Testing Testing

by | 1st, July 2006

Tonight Aisleyne will surely go into the house next door, and Snoozie will go to sit on a chair before Davina and tell us about life in the Big Brother houzzzzz…

It is pretty obvious to all that having removed the most interesting housemates – Sezer, Grace, Shahbaz – the house is now full of crashing bores. Who would not swap pretty vacant Imogen for Grace, dull Glyn for Shahbaz and mute Mikey for Sezer?

We at Anorak have mapped Snoozie’s features onto a chart and comparing them with some TV stars of old note that her face is less mobile than the Test Card F girl who used to fill the gap between episodes of Pebble Mill.

TV viewers of a certain vintage will remember the girl, Carole Hersee, wearing an Alice-band and locked in eternal nought-and-crosses combat with a terrifying stuffed clown.

Recalling it causes us to wonder how original Big Brother is. If young Carole could have just written “W*****s” on the blackboard instead an “X”, she’d now be as famous as Pete or Jade Goody.

But at least the mistakes of the past have been noted and they will not happen again. Why? Because when Aisleyne moves next door she will be given the chance to evict the new housemate she likes the least.

But they will not leave. No. The reject will simply take Aisleyne’s place in the original house. This will ensure that the most annoying, antagonist wannabe will remain on our screens. And for that we are grateful.

This trick will go on until at last two or three of the new housemates have moved into the new house. And then Aisleyne will return to old house at the end of the week. And there will be much wailing and beating of chests.

And what of these new housemates? Well, they are likely to be single mum Jayne Kitt, Liverpudlian Jenny Parker and twins Andrew and Marcus.

Of course we won’t know until tonight. And so long as Snoozie doesn’t put us all into deep sleep we should be able to see them entering the house.

If you are worried about nodding off into a Snoozie-induced coma, try to remain awake by sitting on a hard wooden chair and playing nought-and-crosses with a stuffed toy…

Posted: 1st, July 2006 | In: Celebrities Comment | TrackBack | Permalink