Anorak News | How Do You Like Your Eggs?

How Do You Like Your Eggs?

by | 23rd, July 2006

EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die.

Here is a selection of things that will kill you and yours from last week’s paper of doom…


“The eight most powerful pople on the planet…but weak, indecisive and utterly incapable of true world leadership” – Vote capable and decisive Melanie Phillips for President of the World

“They Psychic sisters of Selfridges – Spiritualism is now so popular shops have their own mediums, But if their predictions don’t come true, can you get a refund?” – Ohmmmm. No.

“250 babies a week ‘at risk from breast is best drive’ – Hundreds of babies may be suffering from dehydration each week because their mothers are too scared to bottle-feed them”


“DON’T RUB IN SUNCREM – Warning over skin cancer protection” – The charity RAFT says suncream can stop the skin burning but not prevent damage by radiation. Cream should be applied in a “thick’ buttery’ layer”

“Fat virus threatens British fish” – Koi herpes virus in here

“Britain’s oldest mother falls pregnant using a donated egg from Eastern Europe. Now the Mail reveals the terrible human cost to the donors who damage their fertility for a few pounds – THE MISERY BEHIND THE BABY TRADE” – The Mail is very upset about “fertility tourist” Patti Farran, 62, who gave birth to a boy

“JUNK FOOD VERSUS ORGANIC – The ultimate life swap challenge. Gaby and her family won’t touch food unless it’s organic. Jacqui feeds her children on supermarket pizza and chicken dippers. We asked them to swap lifestyles for a week – and the effect was astonishing” – Killer pizza!

“CANCER: THE GREAT SEX DIVIDE – This couple were diagnosed with cancer within one hour of each other. What happened next exposes shocking inequalities in care for men and women” – If you’re male, try not to get cancer; but if you do, pretend to be a woman

“Angels? I don’t think so – Many nurses, he admits, are magnificent. But equally, says this hospital doctor, many are lazy and uncaring” – an anonymous doctor writes


“Doctors who could be poisoning their patients” – Professor Mike Rawlins of the National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence (NICE), says five to ten per cent of admissions to hospitals are due to “adverse reactions” to prescribed drugs

“Schools close, the National Grid struggles to cope and they’re even gritting our melting roads as the mercury heads for 102” – Curse Tony Blair’s weather machine

“WHAT THE SUN COULD DO TO YOU TODAY” – A lingering look at how the sun will burn you, kill you and, very possibly, mug you for your iPod

“Women who are too fat at 18 risk an early death” – Too fat for what? Researchers at the Harvard School of Public health weigh things up

“The breakfast cereals that are more than half sugar” – Clue: they’re the ones that don’t taste like sawdust

“This writer set out to get a supermodel body in six weeks through a strict but healthy diet regime. Instead she found herself in an anorexic spiral in which she became almost mad with paranoia about every calorie she ate” – Hannah Borno wants to be a journalist


“WELL-OFF CHILREN ‘MORE AT RISK OF CANCER’” – Researchers from the Committee of Medical Aspects of Radiation give something more for the middle-classes to obsess over

“Can someone tell me: What on earth is Britain’s foreign policy today?”- Stephen Glover loads the questions

“FLAT-CAP HOODIES! – Their crimes? Pitiful, when compared to today’s teen gangs. Their punishment? Barbaric beatings. As these newly discovered cases reveal, Victorian ‘hoodies’ truly deserve a hug…” – And they’d pick your pockets

“Terror of tilting liner – Cruise-ship steering faulty tips swimmers out of the pools” – The Crown Princess washes “swimmer out of the main pool like a tsunami” – More perspective, captain?

“Sleep alone to keep your brain on top form, men warned” – Forum of European Neurosciences says woman eat men’s minds while they sleep


My wife and I often row about our joint bank account but it’s a vital symbol of our marriage” – Tom Utley finds something to write about and earns a crust

“Chinese medicine gave man cancer”

Posted: 23rd, July 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink