& Nothing

LEt’S talk about Richard. He wants to be Jack McFarland from Will & Grace. But he’s got more chance of being that show’s headline-making ampersand. Richard is a walking ‘&’. It’s Nikki & Pete. It’s Glyn & Pete. It’s Lea & Chest.

Richard has become a non person. Last night when Nikkkki had one of her tiresome hissy fits in which she bent over backwards and suggested that she might have a future as an incidental table, Richard called her a little girl.

Nikkki is not a little girl; just as Rosemary’s baby was not a baby. Nikkki is a grown woman, albeit one who has not grown very much, and certainly not into her skin which seems to have been made for a bigger person, possibly Vanessa Feltz.

As ever Richard was there to pander to her. Richard goes to the Diary Room to ask for the air conditioning to be put on. "I have probably asked this about ten times today – can you please put the air con on in the entire House? It is okay with everyone, with the exception of Nikki," he pleads.

Nikki does not like air conditioning. But Richard assures Big Brother that “If she stomps and screams, I’ll deal with her". He will. He will hug her and keep her warm.

And you know BB will put the cold air on. The producers seem to think we can’t get enough to seeing a brattish half-person flinging herself about the place in the kind of temper tantrum usually only reserved for children at supermarket check outs.

This might be because Nikkkki has the same agent as Davina McCall. And Nikkki has a show to promote for Channel 4. Big Brother has invested in Nikkki and cannot go cold on her now. So it will, perversely, use the air conditioning to warm her up.

And Richard will look on and wonder – does Nikkki need a warm-up man for her new show?

Or, given Richard’s limp-wristed one-liners, someone to put her down…

Posted: 17th, August 2006 | In: Celebrities Comment | TrackBack | Permalink