Anorak News | Voter Apathy

Voter Apathy

by | 18th, August 2006

"She should win because she is the cutest girl I have ever met.” That’s what Glyn thinks about Nikkkki. But Nikkkkki, as we have said on these pages many times, is not a girl. We made the statement and we stand by it.

Indeed, we suspect, as many do, that Nikkkki is in actuality a woman in her mid-seventies. Her excess skin has been tied in a knot on the crown of her head. Over the course of the passing weeks it appears to have come loose. Nikkki is but a week away from waking to find her jowls somewhere by her knees. The end for Nikkki cannot come soon enough.

Anyhow, it was election time in the house, and the housemates had to stand up before the world and say why one of their agonists should win the vote.

The opportunity was ripe for some politicking. Gyny said: "I love Glyn like a fat kid loves cake." This will not curry support among the key couch potato big-boned demographic. Gyny should lose votes.

Aisleyne had to big up Pete. “He’s brought laughter, fun and music to the House, and respect for nature and creepy crawly things," she said. And? W*****s! Aisleyne had run out of things to say about Pete. You don’t so much vote for Pete as not vote against him.

Nikkki was next. “Richard deserves to win because he’s been one of the most special friends and never lets an injustice go on. He didn’t get into horrid groups. He’s a strong person and does what he believes in." But what does he believe in? We need substance if we are to vote for Richard. Even Tony Blair had a third way. Sure, no-one has a clue what it was, but the important thing was that he ahd one. What does Richard have? The gay way? And should we follow him there?

Now Pete on Gyny. "She’s a geezer bird and that’s wicked. She’s not girly, in a good way. She’s comfortable. It’s a good representation for girls out there. She is more real and more manly."

That’s as close as Pete has come to putting the knife in on anyone. We quite like him for it. But not enough to vote for him.

Richard was last. He was going to talk in praise of Aisleyne. "She’s no blonde bimbo. Cos she’s not a natural blonde," said Richard. "I think she’s one of the most overlooked and understated housemates. Fought for what is fair and good and stands up for what she believes in.”

For sure. Vote for her.

Posted: 18th, August 2006 | In: Celebrities Comment | TrackBack | Permalink