Keeping Mums
EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die. And if it can’t think any up, it looks at scientific research.
Here is a selection of things that will kill you and yours from last week’s paper of doom…
MONDAY
“Middle-aged mothers ‘are as much of a burden as teen births’” – Dr Susan Bewley, from Guy’s and St Thomas’s hospital, “is calling for the growing number of middle-aged pregnancies to be treated as a major public health issue”
TUESDAY
“Teachers fail the test. Fifth of trainees can’t master basic maths or spelling” – Well, they are only trainees
“As bad as boys, the foul-mouthed girls who think school is uncool” – Hurrah for woman’s lib!
“Prison Service down to its last 439 cells” – Time to use real holiday camps, perhaps
“They’re the latest health craze – specially enriched foods, from breads to breakfast cereals that feed the bacteria in your gut to aid digestion. But do they really work?”
“Pregnancy drugs linked to early menopause” – So suggest researchers at Boston University who continue to look into DES
“Syphilis is back – not just among reckless teenagers but also their mothers. What IS going on?” – A return to Victorian values?
WEDNESDAY
“Alert over 4million laptops that could burst into flames” – That’ll teach you to look at such filth
“The great cellulite lottery. Dieting can improve dimpled thighs, but it can also make them worse say doctors”
“Police cells may overflow as prison warders vote to strike”
“East Europeans help take jobless to a six-year high” – More time off for us
THURSDAY
“Believe me, you can’t trust a word teenagers tell you about sex…” Carol Sandler knows this and more
“Forget gloomy, pale-faced and self-obsessed Goths, there’s another darker cult for parents to worry about… EMOs” – They’re worse than Mail readers
FRIDAY
“Video games ‘harm you in 20 minutes’” – Professor Nicholas Carnagey of Iowa State University says playing video games desensitises you to violence
“Neighbourhood blight. Youths hanging around the street top list of complaints about where we live” – Say bored youths?
Posted: 20th, August 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
