Smells Like Beckham
“BOT A LOT SHE’S GOT,” announces the Mirror’s front page. “Victoria gets a sexy bum.”
Day-vid Beckham may no longer be captain of the England football team, but we assure the Mirror that he is no bum. David is always neatly turned out. He keeps his nails short and his beard clean. David has been a loyal servant for his country and turning on him now shows the paper in a bad light.
But inside we learn more. David is not the bum to whom the paper refers. One page in and there’s another shot of the pair and an arrow pointing to Posh’s backside.
The Beckhams have launched a new range of scents and the advertising shot is causing the Mirror to sit up and take notice.
It quotes Posh as saying that she has “no bum at all”. And: “I have to stick it out and pretend.”
And she seems to be really good at pretending, a borderline fantasist. In normal circumstance Posh in a dress minds us of the later scenes of Tenko, the prisoner of war epic. But here she is boasting a real backside, hips and buttocks that would not be out of place in the Aintree paddock.
Rightly this is front-page news. And right it is of the Sun to say that Posh’s backside is every bit as curvy as J-Lo’s. It is. And to prove it the Mail positions a shot of the big-arsed American (left) next to that of the padded Posh (right).
While the Sun tells us about the couple’s new his ‘n’ hers scents – a heady blend of grapefruit zest, bergamot and new money – the Mail says this bigger Posh look has been achieved by airbrushing.
And Posh has been standing in a hurricane. Her backside has been given weight and shape. The “Tina Turner-style thunderthighs” are tighter than Cliff Richard’s brow, far removed from her usual “spindly legs”. Her skin is a uniform veneer of honey tones.
Dave looks pleased as he snakes a finger under her knicker elastic and smoulders into the camera. He seems to be saying “You too can have me”, or else trying to watch Match of the Day on the telly as his wife presses him for affection.
But maybe the Mail is wrong. Computer wizardry may well have played a part in this portrait, but not how it supposes. Might it be that it is the Posh’s head that has been airbrushed onto another woman’s body?
And might it be that this is no advertising shot but a doctored picture of how David once looked in the company of another woman?
Fanciful, yes. And surely very wrong. Dave and Vicky are madly in love and he’d never cheat. But it’s the kind of strange photograph that gets you asking questions…
Posted: 22nd, August 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
