Anorak News | Osama And Whitney

Osama And Whitney

by | 22nd, August 2006

“IN his briefcase, I’d come across photos of the star, as well as copies of soft-porn magazines.”

The words of Kola Boof, who claims to have been Osama bin Laden’s mistress in the 1990s.

Kola has written a book called ‘I’ve Been Laid-en’, or something, and in it she tells us about her life with the world’s most wanted man.

It all sounds very normal. As with most Western men, Osama’s briefcase contained pornography and, possibly, an egg and cress sandwich, a pair of Marks & Spencer black woollen socks and a picture of Whitney Houston.

Kola says Osama was besotted with Whitney. “He said he had a paramount desire for Whitney, and, although he claimed music was evil, he spoke of one day spending vast amounts of money to go to America and try to arrange a meeting with the superstar,” says Kola.

Might it be that right now Osama is making his way to the Great Satan, where he plans to shave his beard, dye his robes purple and sing in the New Hope Baptist Junior Choir, the group with which Whitney began her career?

And there is worse. Kola says Osama told her Whitney has been “brainwashed” by American culture and by her husband. The chilling news is that Osama has talked about killing Bobby Brown.

And do not doubt that he knows how. Kola says Osama was prone to “ramble on” about his favourite TV shows – The Wonder Years, Miami Vice and MacGyver.

So if you’re reading this Bobby Brown – and we hope to God you are – look out for a bearded fundamentalist dressed in a pastel pink jacket with rolled up sleeves, driving a fortified Ferrari Daytona Spyder and muttering about “Winnie” and death to all…

Posted: 22nd, August 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink