Anorak News | Heather Mills Wants…

Heather Mills Wants…

by | 30th, November 2006

“ALL I want for Christmas is access to the marital home,” writes Heather Mills in her open letter to Santa Claus.

Christmas is coming and Heather, like so many of us, has been compiling a list of demands to send the old man.

Only the Express says this is no missive to Santa Claus but a page of requests aimed at an old man closer to Heather’s heart and home.

On a night out in London, the paper sees Heather dining at a vegetarian restaurant. It peers over her shoulder and makes out the words written on her ring-bound pad.

The Mail wonders if this public viewing of her divorce plans is by accident or design. Heather’s words are so visible. And to enable it readers who visit the big print area of the library to read them, the Mail zooms in.

To the Mail, the words reveal that Heather is seeking an “order for occupation of the martial home”. The Mail says this is a request “usually only made in domestic violence cases”.

Readers are then reminded of Heather’s claims that Paul McCartney shoved her into a bath while she was pregnant, pushed her over a table and stuck a broken piece of wine glass into her arm.

Can any of it be true? Look again at the words on Heather’s page and their constituent letters. Study the form of the pen strokes, the rhythm, the content. What elements of Heather’s personality are being revealed to us in her handwriting?

Is the rightward inclination of the downstroke at an angle of approximately 80-85 degrees in relation to the baseline of the writing? And are the red smudge, single curly hair and oily stain telltale signs of a desperate heart and yet more desperate photographic session with a German man armed with strawberries and cream?

The Sun reads it all. And having deciphered the script it concludes that Heather is “heartless”.

An onlooker tells the Sun: “She wanted the world to know her plans. It’s an incredibly low shot.”

And lucky it is that the Sun was there to photograph the page and publish it beneath the headline “MUCCA WANTS PAUL & LINDA’S LOVENEST”, lest McCartney have missed it and be none the wiser.

It seems that Heather wants Paul’s home in Peasmarsh, East Sussex, says a lawyer to the Sun. The Mirror agrees. In “LET ME IN”, “furious” Heather is battling for access to the home she once shared with Paul.

Will she get it? Has she been good this year?

Posted: 30th, November 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink