Deal Me Out
Noel Edmond’s small deal
“DATE..OR NO DATE?” asks the Mirror’s front page.
But it is not the Mirror doing the asking. It is Noel Edmonds, or “naughty Noel”, as the Mirror dubs the bearded TV host.
For readers not versed in Edmonds’ work, know that he fronts the TV show Deal or No Deal, the programme in which contestants have to guess which box from many contains £250,000 by guessing. It is fairground telly for the greedy and witless.
Noel once presented a TV show call Swap Shop, and perhaps if he still did he’d be “Swinging Noel”, asking men and women if they fancied swapping for a bit?
And so to the story. And it that Noel, 57, has dated at least three contestants on his dire show. We are introduced to one of them, Kelly Napper, 27.
She spent a weekend with Noel in Devon after the rogue trader wrote his phone number on a piece of paper and scribbled: “Deal or no deal?”
Says Kelly: “He flirted with me from the start. I could tell he fancied me. But I obviously wasn’t the first to catch his eye.”
And Kelly’s female intuition was bang on as Noel handed her a card. “Kelly!” it said “…a really happy birthday WHENEVER IT IS?
“BUT IN THE MEANTIME*…
THEATRE?
CINEMA?
MUSEUM?
DINNER?
LUNCH?
OTHER?
* Delete where applicable
Deal or No Deal?”
The handwriting (note the capital letters) indicates a forceful personality. (Kelly says Noel telephoned her boss to arrange some time off.)
The list also indicates that Noel has, possibly, not dated for a while as it lacks the “DOGGING?” and “BINGE DRINKING?” options, although, to be fair, they may fall beneath the Noel’s umbrella-like “OTHER?”.
Whatever the message, Kelly got the idea. “He looks a bit ugly on TV but in real life there was something about him,” says she. And after a few days filming, twice-divorced Noel “pounced”.
In the Devon mansion, Noel dimmed the lights, put on the soft music and popped the cork on a bottle of vino. Says Kelly: “He kissed me. I thought ‘Oh God!’ his beard was itching my chin. I kept thinking how old he was and how small.”
She continues: “He gave me this hang-dog, puppy-eyes look when I told him I’d be sleeping in the next room.”
A spokesman for Noel says the meting was “innocent, romantic fun”. And not in the least bit sleazy, opportunistic and sad…
Posted: 1st, December 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
