Anorak News | Careless Dogging Costs Lives

Careless Dogging Costs Lives

by | 2nd, December 2006

EVER wonder what’s going through the mind of the copper standing outside No.10 Downing Street?

Until now we’d laboured under the belief that the doorman’s mind was in a Zen-like state of empty calm.

Here was a sentry in tune with the rhythms of the door behind him, the watchful copper at one with his surrounds, his heels rising and falling with the steady swing of the hinges.

But we were wrong. The copper told us: “I love to drive up to a secluded spot and get very rude.” And that in these times of heightened security,

For purposes of identification, the Mirror called this custodian of law and order PC Matt Balmforth. As his biography on an adult website said, the married PC was into threesomes, exhibitionism, voyeurism and dogging.

What horrors would have ensued had Margaret Beckett’s driver flashed his lights at PC Balmforth in the approved dogging manner? What evils would have scarred the political landscape as John Prescott flicked on the interior light of his latest Jaguar to read a vital message from his personal secretary?

This was no good. Our police force needs to be on the look out for villains not a good place for an al fresco shag. You cannot take your eyes off the scene for a moment. Look at what happened to former KGB operative Alexander Litvinenko.

The Russian was killed by thallium. Well, that was the rumour the week before. Thallium was the talk of London town. Thallim was dangerous stuff, especially when imbibed in a tincture of green tea or smeared on a rice cracker in a Japanese eatery.

We knew all about thallium. We knew that in June 2004, 25 Russian soldiers became ill from thallium exposure when they found a can of mysterious white powder in a rubbish dump added it to tobacco and used it as a substitute for talcum powder on their feet. Thallium. Russian military intelligence. Thallium. Look out!

Only it wasn’t thallium that did for Litvinenko. The Sun introduced its readers to Polonium-210. Sun readers learnt that Polonium-210 is “harmful when ingested into the body by breathing or swallowing it or through a wound”.

The Mail said three people thought to have “had contact” with the sushi bar or London hotel Litvinenko visited on the day of his poisoning were being checked.

But we must not panic. Home Secretary John Reid told us: “If anyone fears on rational grounds for their own safety then I would ask them to get in touch with the authorities.”

The Mail told us that symptoms of possible poisoning include: chest pains, headaches, anemia, vomiting, diarrhea and shortness of breath. Of course, such afflictions are pretty typical to any Londoner still in command of their pulse.

Londoners like 22-year-old Ela Malek. “I feel like I’m caught in the middle of some mad spy movie,” said would-be Bond girl Ela, who had been at work in the Itsu restaurant Litvinenko had dined at one the day of his poisoning. “Friends who know I worked at this restaurant are too scared to touch me in case I contaminate them. It’s horrible.”

Along with 19 of her co-workers, Ela was waiting on the results of tests to see if she had been damaged by Polonium-210.

The number of possible victims was rising. And very soon that number had taken off to anything up to 33,000.

“Spy nuke poison found on two BA jets,” said the Star’s front page. The Express said that up to 33,000 people may have been exposed to the radiation toxin that killed Litvinenko.

Forensic tests of planes flying the London to Moscow route revealed traces of a radioactive substance on two Boeing 747s. Each plane can carry up to 252 passengers, two pilots and seven cabin crew. Since October 25 (why this date was selected we are not told), the jets had made 220 flights between Heathrow airport and 10 European destinations.

And there was more. The Mail spotted a “radioactive trail”, reporting that traces of radioactive contamination had been found at 12 London sites.

Security sources were examining this trail by day and brightly lit night. But, as the Mail said, they had yet to find a “smoking gun”. This might be because Litvinenko was murdered by poison and not shot.

Although knowing what to believe in these dangerous times is difficult…

Posted: 2nd, December 2006 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink