Anorak News | Goody Gracious Me – Jade to India; Beckhams Melt & Oscars Bravo

Goody Gracious Me – Jade to India; Beckhams Melt & Oscars Bravo

by | 27th, January 2007

goody-gracious-me-jade-to-india-beckhams-melt-oscars-bravo.jpgCHELSY Davy wore a blue-and-white long-sleeved tunic dress on Monday.

It was “Blue Monday”, the unhappiest day of the year. But, as the Mail said, if anyone could cope with the anguish of it all it was the British.

With our stiff upper lips, ingenuity and prescription drugs in handy screw-top containers, we would not be easily undone. In any case, Blue Monday came wrapped in Chelsy blue.

Thanks to Chelsy and her generous flash of tanned thigh all would be right with the world. Not all blondes are Jade Goody. Not all blondes are 18-year-old Lucy Buchanan.

On Tuesday, the Mirror introduced us to “THE NEW JADE”. And, as the paper reported, this new Jade had thrown Channel 4 into a “NEW RACE STORM”.

Lucy Buchanan, for it was she, was elevated from reality TV also-ran to front-page horror when she opined on the broadcaster’s Shipwrecked show: “I just don’t appreciate people coming into our country and taking over our culture. We’ve got too many cultures. Britain’s not really Britain any more.”

That Lucy should have given full throat to her opinions while living it up for weeks on end in the Cook Islands was not without irony. The Shipwrecked show features no locals, only exported Britishers.

When overseas, we are The Others. And we are leaving in droves. Jade Goody was on her way to India. And Victoria Beckham was invading the USA.

The British were going to America. And it was a multi-sensory happening. Britain’s invasion of America opened with the pure fresh notes of bergamot and rose petals.

In the face of much evidence to the contrary, Her Poshness can hit top notes, middle notes and low notes of sensual orange blossom leading to “a seductive base of voluptuous vanilla, rich sandalwood and an elegant layer of musk”. Has the same been said of Eminem or Meatloaf?

In “Dough de Cologne”, the Mirror’s news was that Victoria and David were all set to sign a £7million deal which would see their his ‘n’ hers perfumes hit the American shelves.

Ah, the smell of it. And the sights. This invasion was a multi-sensory experience. Helen Mirren. Judi Dench. Kate Winslet.

Which of these three will bring home an Oscar, the epitome of acting excellence, the award that as much guarantees box office success as rewards it?

On Wednesday, the Mail looked at the three British stars vying for the Best Actress award at the annual schmooze fest.

Of course, there are Oscar films, those overtly worthy gems that tap into the prevailing mood, those films that cause the 6,000 members of the Academy who vote for the winners to sit up and take note.

For this reason, it is unlikely Meryl Streep will win a gong for her role in The Devil Wears Prada, a film imbibed with less poignancy and meaning than Paris Hilton’s bubble bath.

The only other female who can prevent British success is Penelope Cruz for her role in Volver, a beautifully intense melodrama.

Beating Cruz presents no small challenge. Not only is her film very good, but Cruz is a looker who would grace any stage.

There was no picture of Penelope. There was no picture of Streep. At Oscar time, the papers grow patriotic. The announcement of three British women up for the same going was, as the Star said, “A BRITS SPECIAL”.

The “great Britons” were cheered on by the Mirror. “I’m incredibly proud for myself and for the film,” said The Queen star Helen Mirren, who would surely go on to add that she was proud for her country and its peoples.

Everyone who was anyone was leaving this country. Even the Beckhams’ waxworks had been moved to Madame Tussaud’s in New York.

The exodus continues…

Posted: 27th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink