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Anorak | Tom Cruise And Your Scientology Audit

Tom Cruise And Your Scientology Audit

by | 19th, January 2008

tom-cruise-scientology.jpgWANT to be a Scientologist, like Tom Cruise? Sure you do. You’ve seen the movie, and here. Now take the test.

Then take the Church of Scoetology’s “SEC WHOLE TRACK” questionnaire, all 343 questions. It part of your “auditing” sessions, the ones designed to identify your trapped “thetans”.

The “thetans,” or alien ghosts, were implanted in Earth’s volcanoes 75 million years ago by the evil intergalactic ruler Xenu, until the nasty buggers escaped and invaded the bodies of each and every one of us.

While taking the test, you are attached to an E-meter – a polygraph-like device. Radar magazine has published some of the questions. Radar magazine might not be around for too much longer. Anorak only produces the questions to show how, er, brilliant they are.

The questions (your answers please):

• Have you ever enslaved a population?

• Have you ever debased a nation’s currency?

• Have you ever killed the wrong person?

• Have you ever torn out someone’s tongue?

• Have you ever been a professional critic?

• Have you ever wiped out a family?

• Have you ever tried to give sanity a bad name?

• Have you ever consistently practiced sex in some unnatural fashion?

• Have you ever made a planet, or nation, radioactive?

• Have you ever made love to a dead body?

• Have you ever engaged in piracy?

• Have you ever been a pimp?

• Have you ever eaten a human body?

• Have you ever disfigured a beautiful thing?

• Have you ever exterminated a species?

• Have you ever been a professional executioner?

• Have you given robots a bad name?

• Have you ever set a booby trap?

• Have you ever failed to rescue your leader?

• Have you driven anyone insane?

• Have you ever killed the wrong person?

• Is anybody looking for you?

• Have you ever set a poor example?

• Did you come to Earth for evil purposes?

• Are you in hiding?

• Have you systematically set up mysteries?

• Have you ever made a practice of confusing people?

• Have you ever philosophized when you should have acted instead?

• Have you ever gone crazy?

• Have you ever sought to persuade someone of your insanity?

• Have you ever deserted, or betrayed, a great leader?

• Have you ever smothered a baby?

• Do you deserve to have any friends?

• Have you ever castrated anyone?

• Do you deserve to be enslaved?

• Is there any question on this list I had better not ask you again?

• Have you ever tried to make the physical universe less real?

• Have you ever zapped anyone?

• Have you ever had a body with a venereal disease? If so, did you spread it?

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Posted: 19th, January 2008 | In: Celebrities Comments (11) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink