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FAT children are not “obese”. FA(c)T!

After yesterday’s news that children will be taught how to be fat, and given a school report to prove the fact, comes an update.

Ministers do not want the word “obese” to be used in the letters home.

For one thing, it is harder to spell than “fat” and, secondly, research shows that people find it “highly offensive”.

How this research was conducted the Government does not care to say, but it is believed that a representative mix of schoolchildren were stood in line and called names. Tears were collected in a bucket.

The league table of Fat Tears is as follows:

Obese
Pig
Fatty
Lardy
Fatso
Whale
Monumental
Big boned
Statuesque
Massive
Jelly Belly
Metabolically challenged
Prescott
Overweight

Better perhaps if fat children won the right to be called “overweight” by spelling it correctly?

Now, listen up Roland – spell “overweight”.

F.A.T…

Anorak

Posted: 5th, August 2008 | In: Food & Fat, Politicians Comments (23) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink

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Julie says:
August 5th, 2008 at 3:10 pm

Ouch …. Carmen’s MAD now …. be careful or you’ll all be eating porridge and drinking water when she’s had her revenge

Saul says:
August 5th, 2008 at 2:50 pm

Maybe Susages sans Frontieres could organise a mercy drop in France for Carmen.

dairy says:
August 5th, 2008 at 2:47 pm

go Saul!!! roll out the banger butties!!

Saul says:
August 5th, 2008 at 2:45 pm

Sausages!!!

Tasty Bastards
Juicy Bastards
Redsuacecaughtinthesideofyourmouth Bastards

Or a complete about turn, Bastard Starving… as in I’m Bastard starving, could murder a Sausage sandwich.

——–
M&A
Artemis
So could I.
Don’t tell Carmen.

dairy says:
August 5th, 2008 at 2:24 pm

…guilty m’lud…

chenier says:
August 5th, 2008 at 2:22 pm

PS, are there religions which don’t let you eat sausages, sorry, porkers and dairy products?

I thought it was one of those lunatic diets, like cabbage soup …

MrsT says:
August 5th, 2008 at 2:22 pm

Jammie dodgers - my favourite biscuit at the school tuckshop.

Have you seen the size of them now?!

One bite big - robbing bastards!

chenier says:
August 5th, 2008 at 2:20 pm

dairy Says:
August 5th, 2008 at 2:17 pm

chenier - I agree personally (although I am partial to a sausage myself) but let’s not get into religious stuff on this one..?!!!

——————–

Oh, no!

You mentioned sausages!

Carmen will be unhappy; she has been known to remark that she would kill for a decent sausage.

OK, there’s only one way out.

I shall blame you for it…

dairy says:
August 5th, 2008 at 2:19 pm

Saul - I thought “jammie” was reserved for “dodger”….??
“cheatin’” was the other one which crossed my mind in relation to bastard…..
then there’s always the generic “effing”…..

dairy says:
August 5th, 2008 at 2:17 pm

yampster says:
August 5th, 2008 at 2:15 pm

Bloater is good. A Sample form letter for school use

Dear Mr & Mrs/Mr&Ms/Mr/Mrs/Ms/Miss/Ms&Ms/Mr&Mr,

Your Son/Daughter/progeny/offspring/byblow/anklebiter/rug rat/child

May/May not be a Bloater. Who am I to pass judgement

Get it fixed or they will never get a girlfriend/boyfriend and leave home. They will just hang around the spare room playing ‘Death Beetles III’ on the xbox and hoovering up salty snacks waiting for you to die you selfish bastards.

Yours Sincerely/Truly/Faithfully

B.A Baracas BA (Cantab.)

Head Master/Teacher/Molestor

chenier says:
August 5th, 2008 at 2:13 pm

Bugger.

I hate to have to admit it but you are right.

Perhaps I should reflect on my offer of being a character witness for you at your upcoming trial…

Saul says:
August 5th, 2008 at 2:08 pm

I thought “jammie” was the reserved suffix

chenier says:
August 5th, 2008 at 2:02 pm

I believe many people feel that pork and dairy products should not be mixed…

dairy says:
August 5th, 2008 at 1:52 pm

ok - let’s try “porker” then….?

chenier says:
August 5th, 2008 at 1:36 pm

I should like to see a measure of courtesy so far lacking in these posts; I am at this very moment counselling a fellow poster re her eating issues, and I would not wish her already fragile mental state to be further undermined.

Besides, the use of the word bastard is reserved as a suffix to ‘lying’, as every schoolgirl knows…