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Jade Goody’s EastEnders Funeral

by | 15th, March 2009

JADE Goody celebrity cancer: Jade performs a Marilyn Monroe tribute.

News of The World :”Jade: hours form death.”

Daily Star: “JADE’S FINAL HOURS.”

The People: “Jade Goody to have funeral fit for Cockney ‘royalty’ – TV funeral firm plans a farewell that’s like scene from EastEnder”

A fight, a cliffhanger and a punch up with local villains with pool balls in socks?

Fact and fiction is the new reality. It’s the Jade Goody omnibus:

Jade will have a funeral fit for Cockney “royalty” with thousands of fans paying homage to the Big Brother star. Undertakers featured in ITV1 documentary Don’t Drop The Coffin have everything planned for her last journey.

I had that Jade Goody on me shoulders ocne. Proud of meself for carrying her…

Horses called Ronnie, Reggie, Fred and George are expected to pull the 150-year-old hearse – which was used for the 1988 TV funeral of EastEnder Lou Beale – through the streets of Jade’s home area of Bermondsey, south London. Her coffin will be made of oak from Royal Windsor Forest.

There will be 21 cars in the cortege, including a Daimler limo once used by the Queen Mum and a Rolls-Royce formerly owned by the Sultan of Brunei.

Jade’s family asked undertakers F A Albin & Sons to handle the arrangements because of the firm’s long links with Bermondsey.

Then:

A memorial to Jade will be placed in a special garden that Albin’s opened near their offices in south London in 1999.

A statue?

People: “Brave Jade Goody tells her two boys: I’m dying”

And look out for Jade Goody Book:” Tadpoles of Death!”

“I never, ever want to leave you because I love you so much. I wish I could stay – but I can’t. The tadpoles had so many babies the doctors couldn’t make me better.

What’s a dread fear of tadpoles called? And don’t get them started on frogs…

So I’m going to Jesus and he’ll look after me. You may not be able to see me anymore but you will feel me with you always. Just think of me and I’ll be with you. When you look up in the sky and see the brightest star, that’s me looking down on you and loving you for always.”

A few private words for the boys.

Mail on Sunday: “Fears grow for Jade as family gather at bedside”

Jade Goody was said to be ‘on the edge of a precipice’ last night as her condition dramatically worsened, leading to fears she may not live more than a day.

Unable to speak and struggling for breath, she was drifting in and out of consciousness.

Sunday Mirror: “OUR MUMMY ISN’T SMILING ANY MORE..”

By Adrian Butler And Victoria Murphy:

EXCLUSIVE Sad boys make a happy face mask to cheer up Jade Jack rushes to bedside to help her through night

Sunday Times: “My Week: Max Clifford”

Beyond Parody:

Every day for the past few weeks the phone has started ringing from about 7.30am with inquiries about Jade Goody. I always get an update from the hospital the night before. On Sunday I arranged for Michael Jackson to speak to her. He wanted to talk before he left the country – he’s been in Britain to announce his farewell tour. Jade was on Celebrity Big Brother with Michael’s brother Jermaine; they got on very well. She’s not racist. Some of her best friends are black.

Her story has gone worldwide. According to my friend and client Simon Cowell, it’s the biggest story in Los Angeles…

Nice one:

Later on I went to play tennis at St George’s Hill, near my home in Weybridge, Surrey. I play three or four times a week. I’m reasonably fit for 65. I have a pool at home: I swim five days a week, half an hour at a time. It keeps off the excess; I do a lot of eating. I love everything, from fish and chips to Thai, and I am very lucky – I can get a table anywhere…

My first wife died of cancer six years ago in the Royal Marsden hospital, where Jade is now. My doctor was responsible for getting Jade in there at the last minute…

A free plug there for the Marsden. No problem, lads, this one’s on Max…

On Monday I had a business meeting with Stephen Less, who owns Secrets, a chain of lap dancing clubs in London. He’s a client, looking to expand the chain across the capital, so we met to plan launches and organise celebrity involvement.

Lap dancing hasn’t been affected by the current climate…

It’s warming up. Must-take-clothes-off…

On Wednesday Kate Jackson, who produced the television coverage of Jade’s wedding, came to my home and showed me the programme before it went out. It was emotional – a real insight into Jade and the person she is…

Closer to Heaven:

On Friday I flew to Spain for the weekend. I have a home in the hills near Marbella. I’m there this weekend for business to meet one of my Spanish clients, Sisu, a property company that owns a couple of restaurants there.

It will be launching a hotel, Lorcrimar, this Easter in Marbella…If something happens to Jade while I’m away, I have a private plane and can be back in four hours. It could be tomorrow, but it could be a couple of weeks. I’ve already recorded 50 or 60 interviews over the past three weeks for her obituary.

Max keeps on giving.

The Observer: “After Sir Tony, have the Indies got a safety net?”

And maybe conclude, with a sad sigh and an even sadder glance at the plight of Jade Goody, that privacy can be sold to OK! for a million, become fodder for a nice little parental earner on demand, turned on and off like a tap in the search for a missing child, or invoked as a reason for not mentioning a lifetime in S&M to your wife.

The Independent: “Editor-At-Large: A little more love and 12 victims would have lived – Glamour politics I see you’re still avoiding celebs, Gordon”

Two years is a lifetime in politics. We know Gordon Brown might not be ready to say the “sorry” word, but he’s man enough to realise that his philosophy about celebrity culture needs to be dumped if he wants to get on the front pages of the newspapers in stories that don’t focus on the financial crisis. In April 2007 he said: “I think we’re moving from this period when … celebrity matters, when people have become famous for being famous.” Can this be the same Gordon Brown that sent Jade Goody his best wishes and “applauded her determination” last month, and cosied up to Cheryl Cole and Kimberley Walsh outside Downing Street to “celebrate” their climb up Kilimanjaro accompanied by 120 porters, 32 production staff, a team of doctors and two film crews? Did our starstruck PM raise the embarrassing point that Gary Barlow chartered a private jet to fly the celebrity climbers home, blowing £50,000 which could have gone to charity without adding to global warming?

Yes he can!

Jade Goody – Your thoughts for the day…



Posted: 15th, March 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (65) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink