Anorak

Anorak | Susan Boyle Struck Down By BoyleMania

Susan Boyle Struck Down By BoyleMania

by | 29th, May 2009

susan-boyle-sexSUSAN Boyle is cracking up. Susan Boyle is the Hairy Egg. Susan Boyle can’t handle the fame and is going mad-mad-maaaaaad. Susan Boyle is swearing at fans and having temper tantrums in hotels and rowing with the police. Susan Boyle is behaving like a, er, popstar.

To emphasise how much the caring media cares for the moral, spiritual and fiscal salve to the world, experience these front-page headlines:

Daily Mail: “MY Fears For Big Brother’s Susan – by Big Brother psychologist”

A Tabloid Bingo story that combines Big Brother with Susan Boyle.

The Sun: “SUSAN AXE THREAT”

Susan on tabloid suicide watch!

Daily Star: “Susan Boyle: I’ve had enough, I quit!”

Or, er, not.

Daily Mirror: “BOYLING POINT – ITV Bosses fear for Susan”

Fear that their biggest asset might not show up to perform.

ITV bosses fear for Susan
She is ‘close to cracking up’
Her tearful threats to quit

Mark Jefferies has an “EXCLUSIVE”:

Susan Boyle could be pulled out of tomorrow’s Britain’s Got Talent final amid fears for her health.

Worried ITV chiefs believe the singer may be close to cracking under the pressure of her new-found stardom.

And:

TV chiefs considered pulling Susan, 48, out of tomorrow night’s live final over fears that the pressure of stardom may be harming her. The spinster, who lives alone in Blackburn, West Lothian, went into hiding yesterday after a series of incidents which gave concern for her well-being.

Big Brother therapist Jo Hemmings says:

THIS WILL HAVE A LASTING EFFECT ON HER

Appearing on a national TV show will affects the show’s start.. says expert.

Jo tells of “psychological problems” a “delusional attachment to Piers” and:

When she first appeared she had that sort of naiveté, innocence and slightly bumpkin way about her. But now her behaviour appears slightly delusional.

Can she be helped?

Winning will be the best option but her outbursts will affect her chances because we’re looking at her with less affection now. She never expected to win when she first entered but has an artificial self-belief that has been put on her by other people. She’s now convinced she’ll win – and that’s part of her problem.

That’s Susan Boyle, the bookies’ clear favourite to win the show.

Expert Jo’s not the only one show cares enough about Susan’s over-exposure to tell the media:

In a blog, Morgan called for her harsh critics to back off, calling the singing spinster a frightened rabbit.

Susan Boyle is the Hare-y Angel – geddit?

What about the other celebs – what think they?

Jody Thompson hears from top-heavy lad’s mag strumpet, talented Jennifer Ellison:

Actress Jen follows the likes of Lily Allen, who said she thought SuBo was overrated.

Posting on her Twitter page, Lily said: She seems like a lovely lady, but if the show is about talent then that Shaheen kid should win.”

Says Jen:

“It’s just a bit mad really – I don’t think she should win. I think it was the shock factor with her, you know, from the reaction of the audience, that they thought she was going to be horrendous, then there was that voice came out of her. I think it was definitely more the shock value than the talent actually.”

It’s like seeing a huge pair of breasts and then realising that behind them is a small bright-blonde head, and in that a voice and inside the head a brain with human-like thoughts and emotions… Wow!

Jan Moir looks on:

If this plastic freak is Susan Boyle’s support, things can only end in tears …

Well, the winner cries, always. The losers cry, always. Amanda Holden will cry, and try her best to frown; Simon Cowell will move his mouth and keep the rest of his face perfectly still…

Squeaking, leaking plastoid Demi [Demi Moore] has become the world’s most unlikely Susan Boyle fan.

Hey, don’t judge Demi just on her looks, Jan. Demi ain’t no Boyle…

The last time Demi saw hair like Susan’s, it was in Tina Turner’s armpit.

Now look. Please don’t send me even more hate mail on this subject, but we have got to start being honest here.

Jan… You’re fat. And ugly…

She is clearly a nice person -someone who has struggled all her life with learning difficulties – but she is not exactly Maria Callas.

No, not Demi Moore – Susan Boyle.

And to be frank, the basis of her global fame is rooted in the fact that she is homely and plain, rather than glamorous and alluring. This is so patronising and invidious, particularly as the only person who does not realise this is poor Susan Boyle herself.

Condescending, moi?

‘This one little woman, from a tiny village in Scotland,’ said condescending judge

Hey, if anyone’s going to do condescending, it’ll be Jan Moir. You’ve got your looks Amanda – leave the condescension to someone who needs it…

Amanda Holden, who was wrong on both counts. Susan, in fact, is a big woman from a small town. Get it right, you star-spangled midget.

Susan Boyle is…

“…like a peeled baby turtle, scrambling towards the shoreline as predators circle above… Now she is in a world peopled by monsters like Demi and Piers, Simon and Amanda; stars who only really care about themselves and their own personal, ongoing show of talent.”

So says Jan Moir in her eponymous column.

My fear is not what she will do, but what others will do to her.

Like writing about her and making snap judgements on her life and mental wellbeing?

Tell me this; why hasn’t she been looked after properly since becoming a global sensation?

Dunno? Why not ask her?

So what next? Tomorrow night’s show will begin, no doubt, with Demi Moore clanking down the aisle, silicone leaking out of her knee joints, as she takes her front-row seat and prepares to simper.

Yet how will it all end? Win or lose, what has become increasingly obvious is that Susan Boyle’s helter skelter journey down the flume of fame is going to have a very watery end. Whatever happens, it will end badly – and in tears.

It always ends in tears and, very possibly, with Amanda Holden, Piers Morgan and Simon Cowell flapping their hands before their faces…

Susan Boyle’s Got Talent

Susan Boyle Watch: Britain’s Got Tourette’s

Susan Boyle Impersonator Attacks Shaheen Jafargholi

Susan Boyle: Pebbles Inspires Cat Lady



Posted: 29th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink