Katie Price Kidnapped On Twitter And Peter Andre Does Stand Up

KATIE Price and Peter Andre Divorce - Katie Price kidnap terror, Peter Andre is a comedy genius, Jordan is dead and Katie beats Peter in Twitter poll…

Last night sentimental Peter Andre appeared on ITV2 in Peter Andre: Going It Alone and showed us that he is almost never alone. Peter spent most of the show touching his face, hugging anyone with reach, finding his niche in the Ikea bedding department and looking like an ambulatory bereavement card.

So alone is Pete that he spent only marginally more time on camera than his manager Claire Powell, who affected an air of a middle aged Claire Rayner, the media’s former favourite agony aunt, albeit less likeable, informed, interesting and charming.

Today, there is more new of Peter Andre and Katie Price:

Daily Mail: “Peter Andre refuses to let his children be ‘used’ in his messy divorce”

The Sun: “Pete: ‘Kate, keep the kids out of it’”

So says Peter Andre who last night advertised his love for the kidzzzz by sitting Junior on a bouncy castle, telling viewers how much he loves his kidzzzz, giving a few free parenting tips, mentioning his kidzzzzz and inviting a few thousand strangers to gaze at his daughter’s birthday party.

The Mirror: “Jordan has banned estranged husband Peter Andre from calling her, er, Jordan.”

What does Jordan want to be called?

She insists he uses her real name, Katie Price. And she forced him to remove any mention of her glamour girl monicker from his TV documentary. ITV2 chiefs were concerned any references to “Jordan” might be deemed “derogatory”.

A Jordan is now an insult. Two Jordans is a walking portico.

A source said of the latest row: “Considering she’s made her fortune from being Jordan, all this is a little ironic to say the least. But Pete just doesn’t want to get involved in a public slanging match.”

How long – how long? – before Peter Andre is on stage or writing a hit comedy, or at least an episode for Curb Your Enthusiasm? Larry David, we give you Peter Andre – the world’s foremost ironist.

And the show?

But one clip that didn’t end up on the cutting room floor was an unlikely cameo appearance… by the Mirror. We were shown consoling and geeing-up Pete on a recent trip to China, where he performed at the prestigious IIFA awards.

The II..? Why, the IIFA Awards, of course. They are the prestigious Awards that recognise Independent Iraqi Financial Advisors. And Peter Andre (singer) knocked them bandy with his singing.

So that’s Peter. Wow! And Jordan, sorry, JORDAN?

Daily Star: “Jordan kidnap terror”

Gagsters target £30 Kate on her Spanish holiday

What, the Spanish holiday where she never left the shagging bedroom? Were the kidnappers disguised as pots of body gel?

Russian gangsters are said to be planning to grab the loaded babe – worth £30million – when she flies out to promote her KP Equestrian range in the celeb hotspot.

Unless she grabs them first…

A source said: “The kidnap threat is a real worry and Kate feels much safer when Alex is around. He is a muscular man and a trained fighter who can watch her back at all times.”

She has a back?

The Sun: “Jordan is a bigger Twit than ex Andre”

They’re The Twits, The Twits, a couple of orange-faced gits…

GLAMOUR girl Jordan was yesterday voted the most annoying celebrity Twitter user - just ahead of ex Peter Andre.

Worst Tweeters: 1. Jordan; 2. Peter Andre; 3. 50 Cent; 4. Mariah Carey; 5. P. Diddy.

Best Tweeters: 1. Stephen Fry; 2. Jimmy Carr; 3. Phillip Schofield; 4. Russell Brand; 5. Barack Obama.

Peter Andre and Katie Price – this is what happens when you run out of talent…

Anorak

Posted: 18th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink