X Factor: How to Date Olly Murs, Hate Danyl Johnson And Daniel Lloyd Gets Wood

ALL the UK mags want to be home of the X Factor, to become the official organ that fans will reach for to read about their fave show’s wannabes, stars and judges. This week’s Heat mag, makes its play, leading with “JEDMANIA”, a tribute to John and Edward Grimes, the X Factor’s answer to America Idol’s Sanjaya Malakar.

For those of you not au fait with Mr Malakar, he was the non-singing, non dancing performer whose hair styles and uselessness kept him on the show week after week. He only failed when all the other acts copied his moves and style and he ended up looking cocky.

“JED WE CAN,” goes the chant, which is also written on T-shirts the magazine staff has handed out to fans screeching outside the X Factor house. As ever the talk is to fans coming from all over the land to scream outside a house in Hampstead. And, as ever, all that the hacks can produce is a local girl with an Oyster card and a few Home Counties girls fitting in some tag-team screaming around a shopping trip.

Inside the X Factor house, Joe McElderry is doing the washing up, Danyl Johnson is racing Olly Murs on an exercise bike and Stacey Solomon is eating beef flavour crisps.

Brian Freidman, who has the looks of Polish mini-cab driver and the patter to match, is the “creative director” of the X Factor. Brian says Rachel is the best dancer - which means she’s out. And that Jedward dance like fitting tadpoles.

Lloyd Daniels, who serves to make Jedward look like the reincarnation of Michael Jackson, is as stiff as a “wodden doll”. Not a male one. A female one.

Heat then does what all magazines must: it asks why people dislike Danyl Johnson, who is the show’s best singer by some yards.

Readers learn that Danyl is less annoying than global warming but more annoying than comedy ringtones.

Next up is a date with Olly Murs’ sister, which might be harder to come by now that her bruvver is a star.

Heat: What kind of girls does he usually go for?
Fay Murs: I think he’s got quite high standards and likes girls with nice hair.

Lofty ideals, indeed…

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Heat Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink